💼 Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Red Hood]

It's an irrelevant teen character who put on a costume in an anniversary issue and not Steve Rogers as some headlines frame it as. There's nothing saying this character's going to be replacing him as the main character and it's certainly not a reboot. If you'd want to be bothered by anything, it should probably be clickbait headlines causing unnecessary controversy followed by people complaining about controversy they fanned the flames of.

"Captain America of the Railways" makes me think of the original, uncensored lyrics of Big Rock Candy Mountain, which are a warning not to run away and ride the rails because you'll be raped by hobos.

"The punk rolled up his big blue eyes And said to the jocker, "Sandy,
I've hiked and hiked and wandered too, But I ain't seen any candy.
I've hiked and hiked till my feet are sore
And I'll be damned if I hike any more
To be buggered sore like a hobo's whore In the Big Rock Candy Mountains."

 

[LORD IMPERATOR]

The perfect response to MovieBlob advocating for the eradication of anyone who gets in the way of his "SUPERIOR FUTURE":

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

At this point in the lifespan of the current Western comic book industry, I can't bring myself to get mad because this amounts to a pathetic death rattle. One last virtue signal to get the woke culture warriors to actually spend money in the spaces that they cannibalize. Fat chance.

But back in 2014 this would be another entry in a vein of characters that I think got inspired by Miles Morales, blatant 1-to-1 woke foils for popular established characters dressed up as blatant strawmen. If he wouldn't have gotten his own rebooted-every-six-months-because-nobody-buys-it comic book, he'd be tagging along in Cap's books to tell him how terrible and useless he is, or both. Miles Morales being genuinely popular spun into Iron Heart, Nu-Hawkeye, a whole slew of zoomer themed X-men groups, an entire wing of Marvel content turned into a personal dress down of your favorite characters.

Centering this kind of content and pandering to the people who write it is part of what crashed the superhero comic industry. Even as the whole thing is burning around them, they can't give it up. Ten years ago it would have made me livid but now it's just funny. And a little bit sad.

See, I liked Miles because he was his own character, and not just some woke reboot of Peter. He lived a different life from Peter.

1. Both of his parents were alive. Peter’s were dead.

2. He had powers Peter didn’t; camouflage and a Venom Blast.

3. His uncle was a supervillain who wanted to exploit him in the comics.

4. He got blessing to be Spider-Man from an alternate version of Peter Parker.

These are some things that Miles his own person. At least to me.

 

[Felis Meanis]

The perfect response to MovieBlob advocating for the eradication of anyone who gets in the way of his "SUPERIOR FUTURE":

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Robert's response.

Robert would wish he could ever be as cool as Darth Vader, though. An autistic Sarlacc who foregoes human meat for culinary abominations actually it's not completely out of the picture for Robert's diet to consist of such things.

 

[Mr Snek]

See, I liked Miles because he was his own character, and not just some woke reboot of Peter. He lived a different life from Peter.

1. Both of his parents were alive. Peter’s were dead.

2. He had powers Peter didn’t; camouflage and a Venom Blast.

3. His uncle was a supervillain who wanted to exploit him in the comics.

4. He got blessing to be Spider-Man from an alternate version of Peter Parker.

These are some things that Miles his own person. At least to me.

Exactly, the problem with so many woke characters is that they aren't characters, they're just the writers going "fuck the old characters!" For instance, no one would have minded Iron Heart if she had say, used her own skills to build a suit inspired by Iron Man and earnt his respect that way.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

Some translate this idiot please.
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Original for context.
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So what idiot made this piece of crap? They're probably as big of a cow as Bob.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Some translate this idiot please.
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Original for context.
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I'm going to operate on the assumption this isn't a troll because it's too unfunny to be satirical, (although it certainly meets the word count for a lefty meme,) so with that said...

In what fucking world is Oldboy a cautionary tale about the dangers of slut-shaming? The girl who kills herself was fucking her brother; that's why she was ashamed.

If there's any woke interpretation of Oldboy it's that it's basically a treatise on incest and #LoveIsLove.

 

[Kulee Baba]

Some translate this idiot please.
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Original for context.
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I don't think there's a grander showing of pseudointellectualism than thinking someone is enjoying pop media the "wrong way."

Now sure there are examples of not getting the point of the media with a clear moral message, like if someone watches "American History X" and thinks it's a movie that argues for racism. And yes there are people who are that dense or delusional.

But if you watch The Sopranos and just like it because it's funny guineas getting into trouble, well that's 90% of the show. And just because someone doesn't focus on the political/social commentary doesn't mean it flew over their heads. You'd have to be straight up ignorant when it comes to the 2000s to not notice how the show writers critiqued Bush Administration policy and the War on Terror. And no one but a misogynistic strawman thinks the mafia treatment of women is anything beyond despicable. But that's just two facets of the show, hardly what defines it.

Also that description of Gattaca is just bafflingly wrong. It's not about Capitalism whatsoever. What did "Capitalism" create social castes and discrimination? It reads like an Onion Peter Rosenthal review. It's just clear that whatever insipid mind wrote this comes into any movie with an agenda.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

I'm going to operate on the assumption this isn't a troll because it's too unfunny to be satirical, (although it certainly meets the word count for a lefty meme,) so with that said...

In what fucking world is Oldboy a cautionary tale about the dangers of slut-shaming? The girl who kills herself was fucking her brother; that's why she was ashamed.

If there's any woke interpretation of Oldboy it's that it's basically a treatise on incest and #LoveIsLove.

It might be trolling because it's just so dumb, but most of it isn't even funny dumb. It's just the same premise: "white man too stupid to know movie right" don't like twenty different ways with occasional stand-out moments of stupidity like the hot take on action movies or calling Twin Peaks fans pretentious twats react to meaningless randomness. If it's bait, its still lame.

 

[Lasersuit Larry]

See, I liked Miles because he was his own character, and not just some woke reboot of Peter. He lived a different life from Peter.

1. Both of his parents were alive. Peter’s were dead.

2. He had powers Peter didn’t; camouflage and a Venom Blast.

3. His uncle was a supervillain who wanted to exploit him in the comics.

4. He got blessing to be Spider-Man from an alternate version of Peter Parker.

These are some things that Miles his own person. At least to me.

I definitely agree. Miles might have inspired this but he's not a good example of it. Maybe someone did have the superficial idea 'let's make Spider-Man a black kid', but those books were put out when merit still mostly ran the industry and the people making comics were generally there for making good comics. It was a different Marvel Comics that later looked at him as a sign that the genre as a whole was ready for this bizarre forced collectivisation of intellectual property that dekulakized comic books and sent every old seasoned pro to the mail room in favor of schlubs pulled off Tumblr and their self-inserts.

 

[Oliver Onions]

It might be trolling because it's just so dumb, but most of it isn't even funny dumb. It's just the same premise: "white man too stupid to know movie right" don't like twenty different ways with occasional stand-out moments of stupidity like the hot take on action movies or calling Twin Peaks fans pretentious twats react to meaningless randomness. If it's bait, its still lame.

That's what makes me suspect it's sincerely dumb rather than trolling dumb.

If it was a troll there'd be way more buzzwords and Political Science 101 analysis; this just comes off as your average Reddit smoothbrain giving the most surface-level contrarian takes on classic movies/shows.

In other words it sounds like everything Bob has ever written, and he's definitely not trolling.

 

[Rekkington]

Bobby unironically embraces fascism -- as long as the Target is right of course.
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More Tucker Carlson. It is ironic that his Angel has more perspective than Bobby.
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Don't bother winning working class, religious Red States; we should make them "not matter".
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Someone replied the above with this graphic:
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On the nature of oppression:
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Don't kid yourself. Beyond-shite is much less likely than you being beaten down, simply because she has money and doesn't (as far as we know) get drunk in Chinatown.

NYT is caught lying again; Bobby thinks it doesn't matter because RACISTS don't deserve truth or justice.
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More commentary on male physique:
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+ + + +
If you criticize some funnywoman who once played the part of Sailor Moon, you are not a person:
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Still on Sailor Moon. Bobby absorbs another trivia to power his ego:
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Someone designed a Captain America in work boots and working-class bib overalls....
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...guess Bobby's reaction?
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The decisive word is "queer" I suppose?

Hawkeye:
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Bobby can't stop talking about Synder Cut:
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Analysing the timeline of The Simpsons:
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No idea:
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+ + + +
Gibbering about WWE: the only thing I get is that there will be new things to consoom:
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Peter Coffin. Coffin's tweet is pretty on brand implying that consoomers have no option but to consoom. He really is Bobby's soulmate, and I'm sad they are at loggerheads.
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Olympics. Bobby offers an uncharacteristic patriotic take, but of course everything goes back to pop culture:
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Lying tranny drama:
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Captain America becoming an unremarkable but defensive black guy, and then becoming a gaudy teenage faggot, is a pretty good line graph to where America is culturally.

 

[Tronathon242]

That's what makes me suspect it's sincerely dumb rather than trolling dumb.

If it was a troll there'd be way more buzzwords and Political Science 101 analysis; this just comes off as your average Reddit smoothbrain giving the most surface-level contrarian takes on classic movies/shows.

In other words it sounds like everything Bob has ever written, and he's definitely not trolling.

But that would be too obvious. Having it peppered with buzzwords would give it away far too easily.

I say it's a troll job because there is not one film or show on there that everyone hasn't at least seen or heard of in their lives. These aren't obscure pieces either and almost all if them.are staples in their genre. The descriptions for them and how they fit into the "analysis" are so wildly inaccurate and race-baiting that they could easily stir up a great emotional response. That's where the trolling comes in in my opinion. Keep in mind that I'm more hoping that's the case than anything else.

It might be trolling because it's just so dumb, but most of it isn't even funny dumb. It's just the same premise: "white man too stupid to know movie right" don't like twenty different ways with occasional stand-out moments of stupidity like the hot take on action movies or calling Twin Peaks fans pretentious twats react to meaningless randomness. If it's bait, its still lame.

It is absolutely lame regardless. But Bob is so eager to be a good little ally that he'll give it a shred of thoroughly undeserved credibility. I would think that any film critic worth their salt could immediately shred it and point out how terrible the "analysis" is right off the bat, but I suppose he just couldn't help but restraint himself. Either that or he hasn't earned the moniker he gave himself and his knowledge of film is shit like everything else about him.

 

[Oliver Onions]

I say it's a troll job because there is not one film or show on there that everyone hasn't at least seen or heard of in their lives. These aren't obscure pieces either and almost all if them.are staples in their genre. The descriptions for them and how they fit into the "analysis" are so wildly inaccurate and race-baiting that they could easily stir up a great emotional response. That's where the trolling comes in in my opinion. Keep in mind that I'm more hoping that's the case than anything else.

Your logic is sound, but I say if your attempt at trolling is indistinguishable from what people like Bob actually say on the regular then it's wasted energy.

Godfrey Elfwick was my gold standard for stuff like this, because what he said was unequivocally absurd but the people he was trolling had to treat him seriously because otherwise it meant admitting their ideology was a complete joke.

 

[GreeneCoDeputy]

Your logic is sound, but I say if your attempt at trolling is indistinguishable from what people like Bob actually say on the regular then it's wasted energy.

Godfrey Elfwick was my gold standard for stuff like this, because what he said was unequivocally absurd but the people he was trolling had to treat him seriously because otherwise it meant admitting their ideology was a complete joke.

I disagree that it's wasted energy, necessarily. Sometimes trolling is done purely for the satisfaction of the troll. Also, it may be an early attempt and they went slightly too subtle.

I've done that before where my implicit wink is missed and people start yelling at you that you're an idiot for holding the views you're attempting to parody.

Upon reflection, that might be what's happening here -- Poe's Law taking effect where only the most ideologically-blinded community college student could come up with such a retarded take.

If it's a troll, I 100% fell for it until someone brought up the possibility that it's trolling. I assumed it came from some leftist on Twitter, but without a source/original artist, it's hard to tell.

 

[Oliver Onions]

If it's a troll, I 100% fell for it until someone brought up the possibility that it's trolling. I assumed it came from some leftist on Twitter, but without a source/original artist, it's hard to tell.

If it's trolling then I 100% took the bait too, but I still question why you'd bother when Bob and his peers write the exact same stuff 24/7; it's like yeah congrats: you do a perfect impersonation of a total retard.

Plus, ironic or not, it would have taken a lot of time/effort to make up that infograph, at which point I feel the only person you're really trolling is yourself.

 

[Jan_Hus]

He's so fucking ignorant on shakespeare that it's hilarious.

Im firmly convinced that FilmRoberto desperately needs Shakespeare's plays to be the cultural equivalent of superhero schlock because he's tied up so much of his personal identity into superhero capeshit.

The Bard literally revolutionized the English language, wrote plays with total cultural appeal (before Shakespeare, drama done in a language other than latin and greek was considered bawdy or dirty) and his works are still studied and reinterpreted.

The best and kindest thing one can say about marvel films is that their fun popcorn films. Nothing more.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

The perfect response to MovieBlob advocating for the eradication of anyone who gets in the way of his "SUPERIOR FUTURE":

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> Bob
> given form

 

[LORD IMPERATOR]

Robert's response.

Robert would wish he could ever be as cool as Darth Vader, though. An autistic Sarlacc who foregoes human meat for culinary abominations actually it's not completely out of the picture for Robert's diet to consist of such things.

He probably wouldn't associate with the Empire, especially because of "MUH FASCISM" and because Disney has done a bang-up job of convincing the general public that the Empire stands for Evil Orange Man. Instead of, you know, the result of democratic excess, senatorial infighting, people falling for demagogues and giving them UNLIMITED POWER.

> Bob
> given form

It's as far as he gets with having form. A form that is a manifestation of pure hatred and bile.

Captain America becoming an unremarkable but defensive black guy, and then becoming a gaudy teenage faggot, is a pretty good line graph to where America is culturally.

And the thing is, the gaudy teenage fairy-boy look is such a stereotype for gays. Why not just make him look like the OG muscular Captain America but then just have him be gay as a character trait? At least it would be less stereotypical, not to mention there have been muscular, macho gay cultures IRL, like Sparta.

He's so fucking ignorant on Shakespeare that it's hilarious.

Im firmly convinced that FilmRoberto desperately needs Shakespeare's plays to be the cultural equivalent of superhero schlock because he's tied up so much of his personal identity into superhero capeshit.

The Bard literally revolutionized the English language, wrote plays with total cultural appeal (before Shakespeare, drama done in a language other than latin and greek was considered bawdy or dirty) and his works are still studied and reinterpreted.

The best and kindest thing one can say about marvel films is that their fun popcorn films. Nothing more.

The Bard was the English equivalent of the Greek Tragedy playwrights, whose tales revolutionized their culture for years to come.

Marvel films are just a nicer form of the Michael Bay blockbuster, except Bay still had the balls to be gritty more than half the time. Outside of the later films, most of the Marvel films were about as kid-friendly as My Little Pony.

Bob trying to equate Marvel films with Shakespeare is like what if I tried to equate the 1980s GI Joe show with the Greek Tragedies. It just doesn't fit.

 

[blablabla]

the retard who eats rotten chicken soaked on mt.d thinks that fucking shakespeare is equal to slop like the marvel movies? color me shocked.
tell us roberto cinematico how miguel de cervantes rates on the mcu you inbred fucking mongoloid