FOOD HAUL 03/06/20

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Why has this not been story-boarded/summarized/written out by a reta'rded fuckwad yet?

Spoiler: Exceptional fuckwad typing buried here

Because what the fuck is sleep and fuck my brain…

0:00 “Hey guise!” Hey, Amber.

So grocery haul. Showing only the things she bought, not the things Becky bought with her money that she’ll be binging on tonight.

Let’s just list the bullshit for now with commentary inserted as required:

Garlic salt! Coz bitch ate it all in a cucumber boat!
Treats for Twinkie! She only gives her one treat a day LOL bullshit. Bought her three fucking bags.
Becky sighting at 0:45, walking at normal speed in a blaring purple snapback. But fuck that, let’s move on to ground turkey breast in a plastic tray instead of a tube!! Extra lean, which she can’t pronounce!
And chicken tendies! Well, skinless chicken breasts.

Disclaimer time. Because there’s white shit on her pants. She has no clue what it is. Because she ain’t seen that part of her body since she was a toddler.

Becky hands her a grocery bag! The non-recyclable bullshit! What this had to do with anything is nothing!
Lots of sparkling ICE drinks! Because water is old hat! Basically bought 2 of every flavor available at Walmart. Blathers about usually having 1 a day but the other day had 3.
Whole grain bread! Pepperidge farms whole grain! That shit is super high calorie.
Peanut Butter! With fucking cocoa in it!
Baby spinach! That’ll wilt before she ever nibbles on it, because fuck fresh when she can have frozen TV dinners!
Lean Cuisine meals! That’ll be eaten as snacks. Mac & Cheese, orange chicken and spring rolls.
Rice cakes! Because eating peanut butter with a spoon is not acceptable on camera!
A NutriNinja, because why not blow money on a machine she’ll never use?!
Chobani greek yogurt she thinks she’s going to make smoothies with, even though she hates it and she’s going to blend it with spinach!! (This will never happen)
Bowl big enough to drown Twinkie in! Because that shit’s appropriately sized for a full-size poodle!
More lean cuisine meals to be eaten as snacks!
String cheese with chipotle jack and chipotle cheddar! Except dumbass doesn’t realize it’s not string cheese, it’s fucking cheese sticks.
Garbanzo beans! For no apparent reason!

Waddle waddle waddle, Amber.

Zucchinis that’s big enough to satisfy a loose whore!
Chicken sausage links!
Turkey bacon! But not the reduced sodium shit that would’ve been sitting next to it, because fuck it!

NOW lunch shit?!

Lunch meat for sandwiches!

And now startled by Rarity, because the cat exited the top of the freezer.

More waddling.

Bags of frozen brown rice!! Why?! Just buy the rice, you dumdum! The fuck. She confuses me.
Medley mix veggies that’s frozen! Because fuck buying fresh!
More frozen shit! Frozen fruit this time!

Blathers about how frozen stuff is more nutritious and it’s scientifically proven and shit.

Nail polish! Except it’s nail polish remover!
Pad things to rub that shit off her hooves!

Put your fat-mitts away, you heifer. Waddle off to put away groceries as you continue to drive the electric bill up, defrost shit in the freezer and allow excess ice crystal formation on its surfaces.

Time to complain about having to put away Becky’s stuff. Spoken with vitriol. Also has to put away Twinkie’s stuff. And her rice cakes (let’s be honest, they’re getting put away in her belly right after filming along with all that cocoa peanut butter).

Pardon me while I seethe because her poor kitties didn’t get shit.

TL;DR, vapid fat bitch bobbles around and shows off shit that she’ll have eaten by noon the next day.

 

[dingobaby]

Amber solemnly lamenting that she hasn't sat on anything Dusty

 

[Sushinope]

She's probably going to add ice cream to her smoothies or get into diet shakes then add ice cream so its more milkshake like. Maybe its a fad diet or her rotting teeth are bugging her enough that its getting harder for her to chew.

 

[Whale Lake 2]

That blender won’t see the light of day, and if it does, it’ll only be used maybe once before it’s tossed aside like the rest of her hoard.

Didn't she get a Nutri Ninja a few months ago too? I remeber seeing it in one of the haydur compilation videos.

 

[Alaska Thunderfuck]

Didn't she get a Nutri Ninja a few months ago too? I remeber seeing it in one of the haydur compilation videos.

It wouldn’t surprise me if she throws those out every few months of not using them too.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s a blender pile hidden somewhere under the mess strewn about her pig pen of a bedroom.

 

[FatalTater]

She probably buys a new blender instead of washing the one she has.

 

[ADHD]

I don't think they're a good idea for her. They can end up packed with calories & sugars, pass through the stomach too quickly relative to solid food & I suspect, may lead to a higher food intake for her.

This is a terrible idea for her and it will absolutely lead to a higher calorie intake. The last thing someone with a pathological need to feel full needs is to be getting her calories from liquids, and the extra sugars will only speed along the arrival of Lord Beetus, if he's not here already.

Every time Amber goes on any sort of "healthy" food kick, she ends up eating more than she would have if she just ate the foods she usually eats, because she does not like the healthy food and will end up supplementing it with food she does like.

 

[Moonpie]

Those lean cuisines will be gobbled up two at a time. As a snack.
Queen of Moderation yo.
The wonky eye getting strong there Hambeast.

 

[Angel Dust]

We are going truly into a full manic swing of the great Amberlynn cycle. Maybe next week we'll get a "WEIGHT LOSS TORRID HAUL".

 

[BartSampson]

Those lean cuisines will be gobbled up two at a time. As a snack.
Queen of Moderation yo.
The wonky eye getting strong there Hambeast.

I think you’re underestimating. I’m envisioning it as 2 snack sessions, 3 at a time. Orange chicken entr- main snack with mac and cheese + spring rolls as sides.

 

[kiwirevolving]

Why not just cut the parts where you can see the stain on her layygings? Attention.

She wore them since goddamn forever, both indoors and outdoors. She claims she has multiple pairs but I doubt it since in every video where she includes a full bodys hot you can see the holes in it.

Besides that it's the same shit as always: 99% is just frozen shit because she can't cook for herself. She could've replaced that vanilla yogurt with a regular one while dumping a bag of sugar in it and she would've gotten the same result.

The smoothie maker will probably have the same fate as her Coldest Water Bottle after a few days: collect dust.

More treats for Twinkie that "fix her health problems" but still no vet visit.

Edit: LOL hiding her hump with her hair. Rent free

 

[Strong Tomato]

I'm pretty sure the mysterious "stain" on her laygings is, as speculated, a sign of wear on those poor things. They deserve a medal.

I don't think I've seen her in a different pair of pants since she lived with Destiny. Just thinking about it they must smell absolutely rancid and likely have no stretch or anything left in them at all.

Maybe we will finally see them laaayyygss when the leggings fall apart and she is forced to just wear dresses

 

[krazy orange cat]

She had candycane stripped leggings that made an appearance for Christmas 2018. I think she'll haul those out before she'll show her bare laaaygs on camera. Those lymphodema legs are her lottery ticket when all else fails and she's desperate enough for Chinese buffet money, she won't show those until she absolutely has to.

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

Lumpy as ever, gorl.

 

[Strong Tomato]

She had candycane stripped leggings that made an appearance for Christmas 2018. I think she'll haul those out before she'll show her bare laaaygs on camera. Those lymphodema legs are her lottery ticket when all else fails and she's desperate enough for Chinese buffet money, she won't show those until she absolutely has to.

I remember those, but I thought the last time she wore them was with Destiny. Either way, she has gained a decent chunk of weight since then so I doubt they even fit.

 

[krazy orange cat]

I remember those, but I thought the last time she wore them was with Destiny. Either way, she has gained a decent chunk of weight since then so I doubt they even fit.

This is from "I don't know how to lose weight" uploaded October 15, 2018. I don't know if they are the same ones she had with Destiny or not.

 

[kebab4you]

Is the freezer box what everyone is refering to as a freezer or am I blind? Also who owns a freezer box but not an actual freezer?

 

[MissLosR]

She wore them since goddamn forever, both indoors and outdoors. She claims she has multiple pairs but I doubt it since in every video where she includes a full bodys hot you can see the holes in it.

I wonder if she has multiple pairs but these are the "good" ones she wears when filming? The others might have more holes or something, so she has many but we only see these ones? Given how old they all are I don't think it's unrealistic, but I also guess changing leggings is just as tiring as showering and she doesn't seem to do that for the camera either

 

[a llama weighs 450lbs]

Is the freezer box what everyone is refering to as a freezer or am I blind? Also who owns a freezer box but not an actual freezer?

i'm pretty sure the bottom of their fridge is the freezer but they need an additional freezer box to accommodate all of amber's ben and jerrys hulthy frozen vegetables.

 

[Logical Fallacies]

Of course, Amber likes fruit smoothies because they're liquid candy that you can modify by putting more candy in it. Like others have already pointed out, that's a really bad idea.

It's a handful of fruit daily, not a bucket full of liquid fructose, Amber. Just drink a glass of water and eat a fresh apple.