2020 RESOLUTIONS | WEIGHT, MONEY, COLLEGE, ETC 1/2/2020 - StoryTimeLynn starts 2020 off with one helluva tall tale
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- Registrado
- 9 de Dic, 2019
She said she is cutting her hair. I guess its getting to that inevitable gruesomely obese point where ya just say "fuck it" and hack off your hair like a three year old with scissors. Amber being so girly, this worries me. It is a defined point of resignation to her hand to mouth syndrome.
- Registrado
- 4 de Nov, 2018
She wants to go back to writing poetry. At the mention of it my mind instantly flew back to that clip of her heartfelt reading of Rain and Petals Eavesdrop and I felt my uterus shrivel.
- Registrado
- 29 de Mayo, 2019
was one of the personal goals she was too embarrassed to say in the video being able to wipe her own genitals in 2020?
- Registrado
- 7 de Jul, 2019
"As you know, my highest weight is 572"
Oh gorl please
That's merely the highest you've shown...does this bitch really think we can't see?
"I lost a good amount in November but stayed the same in December" ~ gorl, Eric's vlogs determined that is a LAH
Gotta admit she gave me my biggest, nastiest, laugh-out-loud moment of 2020 yet...3k steps a day
Shuffling to the toilet once a day and wobbling to Becksters car does not 3,000 steps make!
I'd say attach the Fitbit to Twinkie, but she's overweight and lazy too, so not even then
Oh gorl please
That's merely the highest you've shown...does this bitch really think we can't see?
"I lost a good amount in November but stayed the same in December" ~ gorl, Eric's vlogs determined that is a LAH
Gotta admit she gave me my biggest, nastiest, laugh-out-loud moment of 2020 yet...3k steps a day
Shuffling to the toilet once a day and wobbling to Becksters car does not 3,000 steps make!
I'd say attach the Fitbit to Twinkie, but she's overweight and lazy too, so not even then
- Registrado
- 25 de Mar, 2019
So... we know this fat whale spends about 1500 dollars every three months in clothes that she doesn't fit in and will donate to Dana basically as soon as she's done with the video, she eats out three times a day and generally consumes huge amounts of food, goes to Walmart and spends ungodly amounts of money on stuff she doesn't need, then she shops online for make-up and other stuff she won't use, and on top of that she has the bills, rent, and gas for the car that is not so slowly dying. Oh, not to mention that she likes to pamper Density, Dana, and Dana's niece (or whatever that little girl is), and that she keeps about 1500 in cash in her wallet for "emergencies".
And she also manages to save 30% of her paycheck just like that? Without even thinking? How much is she trying to fool us into believing she earns every month?
She probably never checks anything and just spends, spends, spends, thinking that her money comes from an endless well that will never dry up, and since her credit card never got declined, then it means the cash is flowing. We know she has no idea of how banks, ATM machines, credit cards, and anything else related to money works, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was the only reason why she thinks she is so wealthy.
She's so wealthy and automatically saves 70% of her monthly paycheck, if not more, and yet she won't go to her doctor nor to a specialized one, doesn't pay her ER bills to the point that she cannot go to her usual one anymore, buys medicines from Walmart, complained about the cost of Becky's glasses (which are a necessity), doesn't have insurance, doesn't bring her dear Twinkie to the vet even if she's in crippling pain and her health is quickly declining, hasn't brought her cats to the vet for a check up in ages, buys cheap pet food in bulks, and is still followed by her college loans for taking a single semester at a for-profit college what... nine, ten years ago?
- Registrado
- 18 de Dic, 2018
Edit to put the recap behind a spoiler 'cause it's ginormous.
Resolution One: Think More About College
"I used to go to college for criminal justice, but I didn't get to finish blah blah had to move blah blah criminal justice wasn't for me blah blah you don't need college to be successful blah but there are things that I'm very interested in AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN so it's on my 2020 bucket list."
Probability of followthrough: Very low.
Probability of hilarity: Extremely low. She either won't do it, or she'll apply and be rejected. Unless she goes to another diploma mill, in which case it'll just be another sad chapter in her lifetime of failures.
Resolution Two: Journal Every Day, Read More Books, Write More Poetry
"I want to journal daily. I want to read more. I want to write more, whether it's on the story I'm working on or poetry about my feelings... I really really really wanna write more poems. I love poetry, huuuuge passion of mine, and I love just, like, freestyle poetry where you just get your feelings out... Like what I do is just do it in like the notes section of my iPhone and I forget that I did it and then I find it like a month later and I'm like 'Dang, that's good booboo!' So, yeah. Like, I really really love writing."
Probability of followthrough: Medium. She might do some (and claim to do much more). She'll likely claim to stop sharing because of haydurs but will actually just not bother after a while.
Probability of hilarity: High. Please, gorl. Give us your "freestyle poems" about your feelings. Share with us the Great American Novel you're working on in the notes section of your iPhone. Gorl. Please.
Resolution Three: Pick Up After Myself More
"This one's kinda silly, but maybe not, but I just want to pick up after myself more. I have a bad habit of, like, [explanation of how she doesn't clean up after herself -- gorl, we get it, Jesus]. It's just simple things like that, I feel, add up."
Probability of followthrough: Low. I have to wonder if she came up with this on her own or if someone is sick of cleaning up after her. Regardless, she'll do it a bit and then regress to her usual slovenly mean.
Probability of hilarity: Low, but not negligible. It's not the cleaning itself that's got the potential here; it's the possibility that someone is pissed off at her spreading filth around the house and not doing anything about it. I'd keep an eye on the cleaning situation for further developments; could be an indicator of some behind the scenes drama which we may be fortunate enough to see erupt this year.
Resolution Four: Learn To Say No
"I think it's very important that I learn to say no. I let people walk all over me. When people ask me for something -- doesn't really matter what it is -- I always feel obligated to say yes. That's not always a bad thing. Like, I'm a very giving person blah blah blah I'm losing myself in being a yes man blah."
Bonus: Add "yes man" to the list of colloquialisms AL doesn't fucking get.
Probability of followthrough: High. What this little rant indicates to me is that she's in that Cluster B state where she feels exploited. All those people she paid to be her friends? Turns out they were only her friends because she was paying them! The nerve of some people! This resentment has been growing, and it looks like it might be coming to fruition.
Probability of hilarity: High, but it's possible a lot of it will be behind the scenes. I see drama along the lines of, "Destiny and Dana can buy their own toothpaste from now on! I'm sick of paying more than my share of the rent, and Eric and Rickie can just make up the difference! Hannah and Rafe can kick rocks! And Becky's family? I hope all their tits rot off!" Except, you know. More passive-aggressive.
Resolution Five: Cut/Dye Hair
"I promise you, in the year 2020, I will be cutting my hair and I will be dyeing it."
Bonus: Admits she doesn't brush it "for a few days" at a time; still tries to imply she washes it regularly in spite of that.
Probability of followthrough: Mid-high.
Probability of hilarity: Low, but since she's guaranteed to do something tacky and look awful, this will be an easy chuckle. Hopefully she'll time it to leaven a particularly boring patch of uploads.
Resolution Six: Weightloss and Fitness
"As you guys know, my highest weight is 572.4 [We know no such thing, Liarlynn, but go on] . I have a goal weight that I want to be by the end of this year. I want to lose, in total, which is part of what I've already lost, I want to be down, in total, 127.4 pounds, which will put me at 445. So I've already lost some of that 127.4, which I can't wait to share that with you guys, obviously, so yeah. I really want to reach 445 in this year [smirk]. Blah blah blah. Instead of just hoping and thinking that some magic fairy will come and sprinkle fairy dust, I actually need to work on succeeding on these goals. I want to walk a million steps this year. I know when I say that out loud I'm like, is that even possible? I'm like so confused. But when you guys divide that by 365, it's less than like 3000 steps a day. I feel like I could possibly even go over a million. Actually I feel like I know I can. But I just thought it was, like, a cute little goal. I'm not wearing my Apple Watch today, which would have been day one, because I forgot to charge it, but I'll definitely be wearing it tomorrow. I can't wait to take my Step One of the Million! I just think it'll be fun to try!"
Probability of followthrough: You tell me, Kiwis.
Probability of hilarity: I mean, this has been the driving force behind her channel and the secret to her success on YouTube. We all love to watch the fat girl lie to herself and get fatter.
Resolution Seven: Therapy
"As you guys know, I've been seeing someone. But they're actually just a counselor and I want to take a step up and see a therapist really bad because I feel like there are a lot of, like, hidden demons and just theeeeengs I need to just talk to someone about. I need to see someone who's not biased, who will tell me like it is, I need to just sit down I need to just cry. Blah blah blah."
Probability of followthrough: Does anyone care?
Probability of hilarity: Low. It could be funny to see her completely misunderstand and twist a therapist's advice to suit herself, but she does that with everything else already so it won't be that noticeable, really.
Resolution Eight: Food Journaling
"I want to write down everything I eat. I know there will be some days where I accidentally forget or I just skip, y'know, like I'm too lazy to write it down blah blah I've noticed that sometimes I forget what I eat throughout the day... overeat... blah blah blah."
Probability of followthrough: Low. We've been down this path shthoooooo many times...
Probability of hilarity: None, other than some potential butthurt when a haydur points out she hasn't done it. Again.
Resolution Nine: Create a Weightloss Instagram
"I had a weightloss Instagram, Curvycaloriess. I want to leave that behind. I had like 10000 people following me on that but I suck. I flopped on that. So I want to create a new one! [blah blah] When I have my first post up, when I'm ready to reveal my weight, I'll definitely make it public."
Probability of followthrough: Medium. She already has an Instagram she doesn't use, by her own admission. But something bright and shiny and new might hold her narcissistic attention long enough for a few posts at least.
Probability of hilarity: Mid-low. It's the status quo. Her Instagram was never the goldmine her Twitter is, imo.
Resolution Ten: Save Money
"I want to save money. Doesn't everyone? I feel like I did really good in 2019. I'm VERY proud of how much money I saved. Taxes is coming up. My bank account is gonna look dry. Just kidding! I want another year of just saving a ton of money. As soon as I get paid I automatically save 40% because my taxes are 31% but I want to be safer rather than sorry, honey! And then, I wanna say about another 30% I just save automatically. So the other 30% is for bills and buying random stuff. But some months, I hardly buy anything, so that's just more money I save. "
Probability of followthrough: No idea. We speculate enough about her finances elsewhere, so I won't get into it here. I'm noticing there's still no talk of insurance, though.
Probability of hilarity: Zero. Until and unless there's a major change in her channel (such as demonetization) there isn't much to m.ilk from her finances. Worth bearing in mind that she has these vast reserves of cash, though, in case another one of Becky's relatives needs surgery.
Resolution Eleven: Learn to Love Myself
"I wanna love myself more. Blah blah blah. [What she means is self-care... hair, nails, etc.] I want to treat myself better. Blah blah therapist blah radiate a happiness and glow blah health blah make me want to better myself."
Probability of followthrough: In any meaningful sense, zero. But I'm sure she'll continue to be "shthoo proud" of herself for making a minimal effort towards anything at all, whilst making excuses for every shortcoming and indulging every whim.
Probability of hilarity: This and the weightgain journey are why we tune in, isn't it?
Resolution Twelve: Stop Worrying About Making Good Videos or Content My Audience Wants and Just Do What I Please
"I want to film what I want for YouTube and upload it. I don't want to be afraid of judgment. I want to be myself. I see vlogs that are edited and they're very good and I've tried to do that in the past because I like it but I think I have to realize that's not my style and I need to discover my own style and film what I want blah blah there are thousands of YouTubers blah I just want to feel like I can do what I want and do what's right for my channel and not try to be like someone else blah blah I don't want to see something and try to do it."
Probability of followthrough: Extremely high, since it means even less work. She doesn't want to learn anything or do anything and now she's found a way to articulate that laziness to make it sound like a good thing. Only took her five years.
Probability of hilarity: In itself, very little. More of the same.
"I used to go to college for criminal justice, but I didn't get to finish blah blah had to move blah blah criminal justice wasn't for me blah blah you don't need college to be successful blah but there are things that I'm very interested in AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN so it's on my 2020 bucket list."
Probability of followthrough: Very low.
Probability of hilarity: Extremely low. She either won't do it, or she'll apply and be rejected. Unless she goes to another diploma mill, in which case it'll just be another sad chapter in her lifetime of failures.
Resolution Two: Journal Every Day, Read More Books, Write More Poetry
"I want to journal daily. I want to read more. I want to write more, whether it's on the story I'm working on or poetry about my feelings... I really really really wanna write more poems. I love poetry, huuuuge passion of mine, and I love just, like, freestyle poetry where you just get your feelings out... Like what I do is just do it in like the notes section of my iPhone and I forget that I did it and then I find it like a month later and I'm like 'Dang, that's good booboo!' So, yeah. Like, I really really love writing."
Probability of followthrough: Medium. She might do some (and claim to do much more). She'll likely claim to stop sharing because of haydurs but will actually just not bother after a while.
Probability of hilarity: High. Please, gorl. Give us your "freestyle poems" about your feelings. Share with us the Great American Novel you're working on in the notes section of your iPhone. Gorl. Please.
Resolution Three: Pick Up After Myself More
"This one's kinda silly, but maybe not, but I just want to pick up after myself more. I have a bad habit of, like, [explanation of how she doesn't clean up after herself -- gorl, we get it, Jesus]. It's just simple things like that, I feel, add up."
Probability of followthrough: Low. I have to wonder if she came up with this on her own or if someone is sick of cleaning up after her. Regardless, she'll do it a bit and then regress to her usual slovenly mean.
Probability of hilarity: Low, but not negligible. It's not the cleaning itself that's got the potential here; it's the possibility that someone is pissed off at her spreading filth around the house and not doing anything about it. I'd keep an eye on the cleaning situation for further developments; could be an indicator of some behind the scenes drama which we may be fortunate enough to see erupt this year.
Resolution Four: Learn To Say No
"I think it's very important that I learn to say no. I let people walk all over me. When people ask me for something -- doesn't really matter what it is -- I always feel obligated to say yes. That's not always a bad thing. Like, I'm a very giving person blah blah blah I'm losing myself in being a yes man blah."
Bonus: Add "yes man" to the list of colloquialisms AL doesn't fucking get.
Probability of followthrough: High. What this little rant indicates to me is that she's in that Cluster B state where she feels exploited. All those people she paid to be her friends? Turns out they were only her friends because she was paying them! The nerve of some people! This resentment has been growing, and it looks like it might be coming to fruition.
Probability of hilarity: High, but it's possible a lot of it will be behind the scenes. I see drama along the lines of, "Destiny and Dana can buy their own toothpaste from now on! I'm sick of paying more than my share of the rent, and Eric and Rickie can just make up the difference! Hannah and Rafe can kick rocks! And Becky's family? I hope all their tits rot off!" Except, you know. More passive-aggressive.
Resolution Five: Cut/Dye Hair
"I promise you, in the year 2020, I will be cutting my hair and I will be dyeing it."
Bonus: Admits she doesn't brush it "for a few days" at a time; still tries to imply she washes it regularly in spite of that.
Probability of followthrough: Mid-high.
Probability of hilarity: Low, but since she's guaranteed to do something tacky and look awful, this will be an easy chuckle. Hopefully she'll time it to leaven a particularly boring patch of uploads.
Resolution Six: Weightloss and Fitness
"As you guys know, my highest weight is 572.4 [We know no such thing, Liarlynn, but go on] . I have a goal weight that I want to be by the end of this year. I want to lose, in total, which is part of what I've already lost, I want to be down, in total, 127.4 pounds, which will put me at 445. So I've already lost some of that 127.4, which I can't wait to share that with you guys, obviously, so yeah. I really want to reach 445 in this year [smirk]. Blah blah blah. Instead of just hoping and thinking that some magic fairy will come and sprinkle fairy dust, I actually need to work on succeeding on these goals. I want to walk a million steps this year. I know when I say that out loud I'm like, is that even possible? I'm like so confused. But when you guys divide that by 365, it's less than like 3000 steps a day. I feel like I could possibly even go over a million. Actually I feel like I know I can. But I just thought it was, like, a cute little goal. I'm not wearing my Apple Watch today, which would have been day one, because I forgot to charge it, but I'll definitely be wearing it tomorrow. I can't wait to take my Step One of the Million! I just think it'll be fun to try!"
Probability of followthrough: You tell me, Kiwis.
Probability of hilarity: I mean, this has been the driving force behind her channel and the secret to her success on YouTube. We all love to watch the fat girl lie to herself and get fatter.
Resolution Seven: Therapy
"As you guys know, I've been seeing someone. But they're actually just a counselor and I want to take a step up and see a therapist really bad because I feel like there are a lot of, like, hidden demons and just theeeeengs I need to just talk to someone about. I need to see someone who's not biased, who will tell me like it is, I need to just sit down I need to just cry. Blah blah blah."
Probability of followthrough: Does anyone care?
Probability of hilarity: Low. It could be funny to see her completely misunderstand and twist a therapist's advice to suit herself, but she does that with everything else already so it won't be that noticeable, really.
Resolution Eight: Food Journaling
"I want to write down everything I eat. I know there will be some days where I accidentally forget or I just skip, y'know, like I'm too lazy to write it down blah blah I've noticed that sometimes I forget what I eat throughout the day... overeat... blah blah blah."
Probability of followthrough: Low. We've been down this path shthoooooo many times...
Probability of hilarity: None, other than some potential butthurt when a haydur points out she hasn't done it. Again.
Resolution Nine: Create a Weightloss Instagram
"I had a weightloss Instagram, Curvycaloriess. I want to leave that behind. I had like 10000 people following me on that but I suck. I flopped on that. So I want to create a new one! [blah blah] When I have my first post up, when I'm ready to reveal my weight, I'll definitely make it public."
Probability of followthrough: Medium. She already has an Instagram she doesn't use, by her own admission. But something bright and shiny and new might hold her narcissistic attention long enough for a few posts at least.
Probability of hilarity: Mid-low. It's the status quo. Her Instagram was never the goldmine her Twitter is, imo.
Resolution Ten: Save Money
"I want to save money. Doesn't everyone? I feel like I did really good in 2019. I'm VERY proud of how much money I saved. Taxes is coming up. My bank account is gonna look dry. Just kidding! I want another year of just saving a ton of money. As soon as I get paid I automatically save 40% because my taxes are 31% but I want to be safer rather than sorry, honey! And then, I wanna say about another 30% I just save automatically. So the other 30% is for bills and buying random stuff. But some months, I hardly buy anything, so that's just more money I save. "
Probability of followthrough: No idea. We speculate enough about her finances elsewhere, so I won't get into it here. I'm noticing there's still no talk of insurance, though.
Probability of hilarity: Zero. Until and unless there's a major change in her channel (such as demonetization) there isn't much to m.ilk from her finances. Worth bearing in mind that she has these vast reserves of cash, though, in case another one of Becky's relatives needs surgery.
Resolution Eleven: Learn to Love Myself
"I wanna love myself more. Blah blah blah. [What she means is self-care... hair, nails, etc.] I want to treat myself better. Blah blah therapist blah radiate a happiness and glow blah health blah make me want to better myself."
Probability of followthrough: In any meaningful sense, zero. But I'm sure she'll continue to be "shthoo proud" of herself for making a minimal effort towards anything at all, whilst making excuses for every shortcoming and indulging every whim.
Probability of hilarity: This and the weightgain journey are why we tune in, isn't it?
Resolution Twelve: Stop Worrying About Making Good Videos or Content My Audience Wants and Just Do What I Please
"I want to film what I want for YouTube and upload it. I don't want to be afraid of judgment. I want to be myself. I see vlogs that are edited and they're very good and I've tried to do that in the past because I like it but I think I have to realize that's not my style and I need to discover my own style and film what I want blah blah there are thousands of YouTubers blah I just want to feel like I can do what I want and do what's right for my channel and not try to be like someone else blah blah I don't want to see something and try to do it."
Probability of followthrough: Extremely high, since it means even less work. She doesn't want to learn anything or do anything and now she's found a way to articulate that laziness to make it sound like a good thing. Only took her five years.
Probability of hilarity: In itself, very little. More of the same.
Última edición:
- Registrado
- 28 de Sep, 2016
Most of that stuff is 'adult shit' which is why she won't do it (like pay ER bills, get insurance), and all the animal care stuff is narc shit (they can take 'em to the vet they just won't, but relax since she probably lied about Twinkie anyway). Remember she lives in buttfuck nowhere, isn't even adventurous enough a shopper to order more than a few subscription boxes and Torrid numbers online, and is unable to order in food due to lack of delivery options in her town (if she could move to Lexington this would change fast).
It's percentages she's talking, and while she's trying to flex a bit on the huns in this segment I can easily see her getting the tax portion put away each month at least. She pays her taxes.
- Registrado
- 25 de Mar, 2019
Yes, I don't doubt that she's paying her taxes (how she calculates the amount is all to see though, as we saw with Onision that, if you want to, you can count off as business expenses your own house and the IRS will take years to notice), but what I wanted to point out was that she's flaunting money she clearly doesn't have.
Saving 40% of her paycheck for taxes is credible, but the fact that she easily saves from 30 to 60% (almost 70%, if we count that she said taxes are about 31% for youtubers) of what she earns every month? Absolutely not.
- Registrado
- 3 de Mar, 2019
My god, is it just me or does her face look bigger than normal? Maybe it's the makeup...
- Registrado
- 28 de Sep, 2016
Taxwise, I think she probably errs on the other side to Onion, where she misses out on expenses she could reasonably claim because she's foolish about it. I expect she pays more than she needs.
I think it's possible she does sock away a high percentage on her biggest months (every month? no) just by not being able to spend it anywhere and also a strange tightwaddish tendency about some things (like Becky's glasses). I wonder if she's had some $10k months yet? She persistently gets high view numbers, it's not that unusual for them to go higher than her sub number a few times a month. Engagement is high as well. She could pay the whole rent on that house, it wouldn't touch the sides some months. What she really should do is invest and buy insurance and plan for the future but... yanno.
- Registrado
- 9 de Nov, 2019
Was almost sick all down myself when she said she wants to love herself more "physically" I know she didnt mean it that way but just the thought... 
Also, highly amused by the weirdly specific number for her weight loss goal. It's like she thinks the more detail she adds, the more convincing she sounds
Also, highly amused by the weirdly specific number for her weight loss goal. It's like she thinks the more detail she adds, the more convincing she sounds
Última edición:
- Registrado
- 1 de Oct, 2018
Darn. I was hoping for a true stage 1 redemption arc to set things up for a big fall. Unfortunately she already fucked it up by bragging about money and about how good a person she is by saying yes to everyone.
Looks like we're in for an even more mediocre year.
Looks like we're in for an even more mediocre year.
RandallBoggs
kiwifarms.net
- Registrado
- 17 de Dic, 2019
"I want to journal everyday" as opposed to.....what you claimed you were already doing? This entire time she kept yapping about how much she loves journaling and writing and that's why she has to buy 10 journals every day, but apparently none of that is actually true since her 2020 resolution is to do what she claimed she was already doing. Oh Amber, never change