Stupid Things we did with food - Stories about the times we were idiots with cuisine

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Valstrax

Valstrax

Rapidly approaching your location
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
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12 de Abr, 2018
This thread is mostly for sharing stories about the funny times we fucked up.

I'll start.

Now, to shorten it up basically my mum called me down to see my brother have a taste of the hot sauce, specifically Blair's Ultra Death Hot Sauce which was said to be around 1,000,000 in scoville heat units. (box below)
blairs-ultra-death-sauce.jpg
Being the sadistic bastard I was, I was laughing my ass off when my brother began to succumb to the sauce's heat, and then my dad tried it (a tiny dab no less) and felt the same effects.

So short story even shorter: Don't fuck with hot sauce
 
When I was five, I thought adults used to snort flour as I'd seen it on TV once and tried to do it when my parents weren't watching. Needless to say my parents told me not to mimic what I see on TV after they stopped laughing.
 
I put two marshmellows on a plate, put toothpicks in them, and then put them in the microwave for a few seconds. Not as severe as what other people would do, but it did give me the illusion of two marshmellows fighting with swords in the heat.
 
Years ago, I ran out of M-I-L-K (EDIT: seriously Kiwi, I'm all for jokes, but can I just say the word without it automatically changing to something unrelated?), but I really wanted to make scrambled eggs, and for that, I gotta mix the eggs with SOMETHING.

So I made the scrambled eggs with pumpkin spice coffee creamer.

Yeeeeah….that was a mistake.
 
Not stupid but REGENDarySumanai reminds me of when I was a kid, I'd make open faced smores by putting marshmallows on graham crackers in the microwave and pouring Quick syurp on top.

What is stupid is when I was a teenager and had decided to stop using drugs for a while. It had been a few days, and in that time I put plastic in the oven and metal in the microwave. My mom asked me if I was on drugs, and I was honestly able to say "no". At the time I thought "see; drugs make me less stupid" but looking back, I think I was just coming down and not so 'paro' to be checking everything eleveny times.
 
Not sure if dumb or just reckless...

But I would make my own "Egg McMuffin" by cracking eggs in a coffee mug and putting it in the microwave for 60 seconds. It worked...but it would ruin the coffee mugs in the process. I ruined one of my mom's favourite coffee mugs this way (because I was an idiot that didn't know who owned what), but because my mom's a literal cuck most of the time, she only berated me and didn't exactly punish me for it.

In a household full of literal autists, including my Dad, I was the favourite child somehow.
 
When I was very young, I tried to make hot chocolate by microwaving pieces of chocolate and water together in a glass cup. The end result, I ended up with a disgusting murky mess and a shattered cup after placing it on the table.
 
I tried making sourdough bread from a recipe. I missed the part where you add yeast and ended up with flat-ass hardtack.
 
I used to put M&Ms in a shallow bowl, fill the bowl with water, wait until the candy dissolved into the water, then drink the water and throw the chocolate pieces away.

I also used to put croutons in a bowl and eat them like cereal with ranch dressing instead of milk.
 
Time to share another stupid story with you kids, back a few years ago me and some bitches went to a bowling alley and I saw some artificial sweetener on a table, being the dumbass I was I decided to try and snort that shit like cocaine in the bathroom stall.
 
When I was a teeny bopper, I remember pulling a Capri Sun juice out of the freezer (for some reason my mother kept them in the freezer??) and putting it in the microwave to heat up.

Imagine seeing this shit as a kid alone in the kitchen

 
when i cook i basically make slimes from various starches, baked beans, rice, and then add onions and shit like that then choke it down right from the pot.

EDIT: i think of this video often
 
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