💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AnOminous]

Cooking admission: I suck at getting to Mailliard. I crave the crispy!

Sous vide makes this almost simple. Just heat to rare or medium rare, heat a skillet with some high smoke point fat in it, and when I say screamingly hot, I mean when you lay down the meat on it (AWAY from you) it literally makes an audible scream, give it a minute to a minute and a half on each side. There, you have a perfect char and depending on where you started, once it rests, you still have a medium rare to medium steak which is also tender as hell from the lengthy process.

I know I autistically preach this shit and people hear a phrase like "sous vide" and think oh no, this is some fancy French shit, I can't possibly do this. No, it's actually almost training wheels for retards (like me) who had trouble getting consistent results. Instead, it's a way you can get a steak done exactly the way you like it by putting something in a bag, vacuum sealing it, filling a thing with water, and pushing a couple buttons. And then flipping it a couple times so you don't get a Scalfani special that is burnt on the outside while being raw on the inside and so tough you need a reciprocating saw just to cut through it.

Obviously brush (and by brush I mean with an actual paintbrush or preferably one of those silicone brushes you can clean easily) with butter and garlic and that kind of shit or whatever you want, my preference is to top with slow caramelized onions that have turned nearly into liquid doused in butter.

My second favorite is the so-called "reverse sear," which similarly involves bringing the steak up to temperature slowly in the oven before finishing in a searing hot skittle.

My favorites by other people who are actually good at it are grilled or on a griddle, but I can't get consistent results with those methods because I'm gay and I suck.

 

[Spawn of Dangerhair]

The more I think about that... thing, the more I don't understand why it exists.

First off, it's a propane-fueled outdoor oven. I could see having an indoor electric one, if you lived in a small apartment and had a crappy oven or no oven at all. This is clearly something that is meant as a dedicated outdoor cooker. It's too big and bulky for camping, so it's a backyard toy.

Its high cube, low square form factor makes it too small to use as a pizza oven, which is the only use case I can see for it.

You don't need a dedicated broiler when you have... a GRILL for searing. I guess you could use this for baked sides like potatoes, beans, cornbread, mac & cheese... but you don't need an infrared autoclave for that.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Fat Jack likes to lie about that sort of shit so he can pretend he's a relevant celebrity to feed his cluster b personality disorder. I assure you this mother fucker bought it using Tammy's money and just fucking lied like he usually does.

Even if I am wrong, it'd be some cheap Chinesium style fly-by-night scam.

But I'm pretty confident this is just another case of fatboy lying again. Especially since it's looking like he got an affiliate link which means he almost certainly fell for another fucking scam. He probably gets it for free if he gets enough idiots to click the link and buy. Just like the water ionizer scam and the freeze dryer scam.

If I was a company I'd pay to NOT have this retard near my product.

 

[Shartavius]

Gimmicky, single-use bullshit outclassed and outperformed by a person of average intelligence or skill using a common kitchen appliance or outdoor grill or smoker is Jack's bait and calling card.

James White of Freakin' Reviews, for example, will buy gimmick shit dubiously promising "a perfect steak in your microwave" or "ice cream in five minutes", and demonstrate/test it with a level of skepticism appropriate for the product (including malicious compliance in following the Engrish directions to the letter); because he genuinely has consumer advocacy in mind, and stakes the reputation of his channel on portraying himself as honest and transparent.

Contrast any such Youtuber with Jack; who produces an unmonetizable video out of lying about how and why he procured the product, then gives the worst demonstration imaginable while (unintentionally, mind you) proving that nothing is idiot-proof. And he does this purely for the fleeting, illusory ego boost he gets from boasting about it in front of a telephone with a camera on it, then rewarding himself with a pile of meat at the end.

Jack's ethic is such that, so long as comes away having eaten so much that he urgently needs to wrap up the video to go have diarrhea, he'll grade the product an "EGG PLUSH" and feel extra-smug and content until he's hungry again in two hours. Meanwhile, any cameo appearance from Tammy in the course of her standing in for three of Jack's limbs shows the world that she stress-eats out of misery and a desperate need to smell something other than that beluga in a wheelchair she's cursed with.

 

[p1138]

You guys keep saying there’s no point in recapping his videos, but the disgusted reactions crack my ass up. I can’t stand to watch him anymore so these reviews are very much appreciated. Please don’t stop.

Discussing how Fatty does everything wrong, and the proper ways of doing things, while simultaneously trading recipes, ideas, and helping other kiwis willing to learn has been the best part about Fatty's content for years now. His carnivore larp era(which thankfully he doesn't bother with anymore) of combining cream cheese or cottage cheese, along with a pile of shreddy cheese or sawdust parmesan with some eggs and trying to use it in place of an otherwise bread product was just fucking boring.

A young kiwi who doesn't have much experience cooking on their own could actually learn how to cook from this thread, of course not directly from any of Fatty's content. Just the recent discussion of how to get a sear is an example of that, or finding the places Fatty has stolen recipes from, or people finding better video examples of the recipes Fatty has tried to make.

 

[Adamska]

If I was a company I'd pay to NOT have this retard near my product.

In fairness in the rare as Jack's cooking tier event that a company is giving him shit via promo codes or some other methods to trick him, it's almost always been a Chinese scam company that is selling defective or unsold shit from another seller at best. The one exception was an idiot who gave him a pair of headphones and microphones that he then said were bad because he didn't set it up right.

At least for the last few years this was the case.

 

[the khat quaffer]

could see having an indoor electric one

Jack's so dumb he'd probably get carbon monoxide poisoning from it.

And not only live he'd just shrug it off as a mild inconvenience like his five strokes

 

[Tiresome]

know I autistically preach this shit and people hear a phrase like "sous vide" and think oh no

I'm a fan of sous vide and was an evangelist for some years, but for a steak I've switched to the idiot Gen Z tiktok trend of plonking a slab straight from the freezer into the air fryer, at 390 for 18 minutes on the dot, because it invariably, shockingly, comes out perfect. I don't get it, it's some form of retardedly lazy witchcraft but as long as the fryer holds out I don't really see any reason to switch back.

 

[Spawn of Dangerhair]

I'm a fan of sous vide and was an evangelist for some years, but for a steak I've switched to the idiot Gen Z tiktok trend of plonking a slab straight from the freezer into the air fryer, at 390 for 18 minutes on the dot, because it invariably, shockingly, comes out perfect. I don't get it, it's some form of retardedly lazy witchcraft but as long as the fryer holds out I don't really see any reason to switch back.

My method is lump charcoal on the Weber kettle. Take the steak out of the fridge, light the chimney.

When the charcoal is lit, put the grate down and let it get hot. Pat the steak dry and season it while the bars are heating up. Brush bars with oil.

Put that steak down in the middle of the grill, bottom vent full open, and cleared of ash and fines.

The steak is done when it has a crust and a bit of char but not too much on both sides, and there's a bit of resistance versus being floppy like raw meat when you pick it up with tongs. Tent it with foil while the chicken and other things you threw on the grill in a ring around the steak cook, and they're all ready to eat at the same time.

 

[AltisticRight]

I know I autistically preach this shit and people hear a phrase like "sous vide" and think oh no, this is some fancy French shit, I can't possibly do this. No, it's actually almost training wheels for retards (like me) who had trouble getting consistent results.

People also think it's expensive because some fancy device is needed. Sous vide is cheap and easy. I took home a temperature controlled immersion water circular that my workplace was tossing out and there, that's the "sous vide" device. It cost me $0 and a pdf file saying the company isn't accountable if I hurt myself with the disposed unit.
Commercial ones sold as sous vide cost a lot. Try a local junk yard or lab surplus store. They might have a few of these.

 

[LordofCringe7206 Vol. 2]

The more I think about that... thing, the more I don't understand why it exists.

First off, it's a propane-fueled outdoor oven. I could see having an indoor electric one, if you lived in a small apartment and had a crappy oven or no oven at all. This is clearly something that is meant as a dedicated outdoor cooker. It's too big and bulky for camping, so it's a backyard toy.

Its high cube, low square form factor makes it too small to use as a pizza oven, which is the only use case I can see for it.

You don't need a dedicated broiler when you have... a GRILL for searing. I guess you could use this for baked sides like potatoes, beans, cornbread, mac & cheese... but you don't need an infrared autoclave for that.

So many kitchen and cooking gadgets exist when they don't have to. It has been one of the worst market trends over the last decade or so. Culinary items that don't serve any purpose and are more time consuming than they are helpful.

They are right up the alley though for online influencers or idiots who like to larp as cooking enthusiasts.

is carnivore larp era(which thankfully he doesn't bother with anymore) of combining cream cheese or cottage cheese, along with a pile of shreddy cheese or sawdust parmesan with some eggs and trying to use it in place of an otherwise bread product was just fucking boring.

I wonder what Fatty's next fad diet is going to be. He has pretended to do all the big ones over the last several years. Carnivore, keto, Atkins. Keto was one of my favorite arcs because that one he was really super inept at. Carnivore and Atkins can be somewhat half-assed as Jack has shown, but keto was the one he couldn't even put any effort into because of how strict it is.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Jack's so dumb he'd probably get carbon monoxide poisoning from it.

And not only live he'd just shrug it off as a mild inconvenience like his five strokes

With Jack being such a retard, he probably is immune to carbon monoxide

 

[the khat quaffer]

People also think it's expensive because some fancy device is needed. Sous vide is cheap and easy. I took home a temperature controlled immersion water circular that my workplace was tossing out and there, that's the "sous vide" device. It cost me $0 and a pdf file saying the company isn't accountable if I hurt myself with the disposed unit.
Commercial ones sold as sous vide cost a lot. Try a local junk yard or lab surplus store. They might have a few of these.

Do the Jack Scalfani method : Ziploc bags, boiling water, toxic black marker ink, and cross-contamination. Let's not forget the secret ingredient that gives it that special jack flavor: shreddy cheese.

 

[Aborted Drink Combo]

I have an electric beer brewing setup that I also use to sous vide a couple times a year. It's so yuge that I could sous vide 3 turkeys at a time if I was a fat fuck or cooking for a huge group.

 

[ZipDisk]

I get where you're coming from Busmalis, but dysphagia didn't slow this fucking revenant down a whit. Blindness would simply make him more insufferable. Like a pug who refuses to die.

As to the people talking about trading cooking knowledge to survive Jack? Yeah, I can see it. Least you fuckers aren't spinning "Le Party Salad" ala reddit.

AnOm - When I say sous vide is beyond me, it's equipment level. I have not transitioned well to electric, in truth I fucking hate it. I miss my burners.

 

[AnOminous]

If I was a company I'd pay to NOT have this retard near my product.

I'd literally sue him and demand a court order he never allowed to be uttered my name. Not even joking. This actually happened btw when Jagoff did one of his bullshit "reviews" where he didn't review the manual, did shit the manual specifically said not to do, then blamed the manufacturer. They sued his ass off and he had to grovel and apologize.

 

[p1138]

I wonder what Fatty's next fad diet is going to be. He has pretended to do all the big ones over the last several years. Carnivore, keto, Atkins. Keto was one of my favorite arcs because that one he was really super inept at. Carnivore and Atkins can be somewhat half-assed as Jack has shown, but keto was the one he couldn't even put any effort into because of how strict it is.

Unless Chawls finds some new meat based diet, I don't think we'll see it happen. What are the other trends, Paleo? In addition to being restrictive it includes a lot of begetables which Fatty hates. Mediterranean diet? lol, not a chance.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

Unless Chawls finds some new meat based diet, I don't think we'll see it happen. What are the other trends, Paleo? In addition to being restrictive it includes a lot of begetables which Fatty hates. Mediterranean diet? lol, not a chance.

He should do a total plot twist and become a preachy vegan asshole.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Everyone pushes JP, but the unhinged performance in "In the mouth of madness" is a master class in acting.
"I'm sorry I kicked you in the balls earlier"

Back to Jack, every fucking time someone cool dies I get angrier at his candy claw hold on this mortal coil.

Cooking admission: I suck at getting to Mailliard. I crave the crispy!

That was such an underrated movie. It's one of the only movies out there that can truly be called "Lovecraftian" without being based on any of Lovecraft's works.

On the contrary, the longer Jack lives the more he suffers. It'd be awesome if he goes blind before he dies.

I want him to be bed bound, unable to move and needing to be taken care of night and day so that Hammy ships him out to a nursing home so she can have a happily ever after with Jim Traynor and Jeanette.

My method is lump charcoal on the Weber kettle. Take the steak out of the fridge, light the chimney.

When the charcoal is lit, put the grate down and let it get hot. Pat the steak dry and season it while the bars are heating up. Brush bars with oil.

Put that steak down in the middle of the grill, bottom vent full open, and cleared of ash and fines.

The steak is done when it has a crust and a bit of char but not too much on both sides, and there's a bit of resistance versus being floppy like raw meat when you pick it up with tongs. Tent it with foil while the chicken and other things you threw on the grill in a ring around the steak cook, and they're all ready to eat at the same time.

This. 100% except I put the grill right on the chimney. And I've found to get a perfect medium rare you need to cook it rare. Get your grill screaming hot and then butter both sides and add salt, lay it on the grill for 30 seconds. Flip it and do the other side for 30 seconds. Flip it again for 30 seconds getting that diamond grill pattern on it. Flip it one final time. That's it. A thicker steak you might need to cook it at a slightly higher temp or you need to keep it on the grill a tad longer.

Bring it inside, let it rest and you get the steak you want at a perfect medium-rare. A good sear, some good color and some of that charcoal flavor you want. And throw some moistened mesquite wood chips on the coals as well.

Mediterranean diet? lol, not a chance.

But that one is so tasty. Lots of veggies, fish, olive oil and some cheeses like feta.

Now I want Spanakopita.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Unless Chawls finds some new meat based diet, I don't think we'll see it happen. What are the other trends, Paleo? In addition to being restrictive it includes a lot of begetables which Fatty hates. Mediterranean diet? lol, not a chance.

Breatharianism.

He would ascend negatively to his eternal reward within a week.