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OpinionWarwick Davis Is a National Treasure - I surrender to the unending river of history
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My Formal Notice of Surrender:
A delusional schizoid once said that to fuck around is human, and to find out is divine. I have fucked around and now I must find out. I made increasingly bold claims that Kier Starmer (Peace Be Upon Him) will never be clawed from power, because he is a soulless husk that exists purely to 1) Have gay sex and 2) Further ruin the blighted, cursed, fog shrouded isles that I call home. I was too sure of his ability to ignore everyone calling him a retarded faggot, and too sure of his ability to just refuse to leave office. He has now resigned, likely as a way to avoid the humiliation of having a mincing Mancoonian homosexual limply slapping his face and lisping at him in a leadership contest. The price I must pay is to create a thread lauding the achievements, and abilities of a very famous Midge. Sir Warwick Davis (PBUH). A midget whom I despise and wish to see ripped apart by police dogs.
Introduction:
Warwick Davis has spent more than four decades bringing some of fantasy’s most memorable characters to life. From Wicket and Willow Ufgood to Professor Flitwick, Griphook and the Leprechaun, he has travelled through galaxies far, far away, taught at Hogwarts, adventured across Narnia and become a genuine horror icon. Few performers can claim such an enduring place in so many beloved worlds. Born in Epsom, Surrey, in 1970, Davis was born with spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita, a rare genetic condition affecting bone growth; which I believe should make on eligible for recycling via macerator. His remarkable career began at eleven, when his grandmother heard a radio appeal seeking people under four feet tall for Return of the Jedi. Already an enormous Star Wars fan, Davis applied and was eventually cast as Wicket the Ewok, turning an improbable childhood opportunity into the beginning of a lifelong career. But his legacy extends far beyond the characters he has played. Davis has also become a successful presenter, producer, author, entrepreneur and tireless advocate for people with dwarfism, culminating in a BAFTA Fellowship and an OBE for services to drama and charity. So, in appreciation of an extraordinary career and an apparently thoroughly decent man, here is a celebration of Warwick Davis, his achievements and his ongoing fight against becoming even smaller and even more deformed.
Sir Warwick Davis Addressing His Followers (Colourised)
Tiny Timeline of Terror.
1970: Warwick Ashley (faggot!) Davis is born in Epsom, Surrey, with spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita, a rare skeletal condition, his family mourns.
1982–83: Aged eleven, he answers a radio appeal seeking performers under four feet tall for Return of the Jedi. He is ultimately cast as Wicket W. Warrick, an Ewok. This is his most dignified role to date.
1984–85: Wicket becomes the hero of two television films: Caravan of Courage and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. Which are both films no one gives a fuck about.
1986: Davis joins the extraordinary creature cast of Jim Henson’s (RIP King) Labyrinth.
1988: At eighteen, he receives his first leading feature-film role as Willow Ufgood in Ron Howard and George Lucas’s Willow. A film which my grandmother showed me once, starting a lifelong fear of the deformed.
1989–90: He plays Reepicheep and Glimfeather in the BBC’s adaptations of C. S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia. He plays a little itsy bitsy midgey mouse!
1993–2003: Davis plays the murderous Lubdan in six Leprechaun films, establishing himself as a horror icon. This is also Jennifer Anniston's first feature film and the Leprechaun is completely in the right to want his fucking gold back!
1995: He co-founds Willow Management, representing short and exceptionally tall performers frequently overlooked by conventional agencies. As their first act, the lobby for stools in all casting offices so that midges can stand on them.
1999: He returns to Star Wars in The Phantom Menace, playing several characters, including Weazel and Wald. A notable trend for Davis characters is that they often have humiliating names.
2001–11: Davis appears throughout the Harry Potter films as Professor Filius Flitwick and later Griphook. He is not Jewish.
2005: He provides the physical performance for Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Alan Rickman provided the voice, which is the important part.
2008: He enters Narnia again as the suspicious dwarf Nikabrik in Prince Caspian. He is viciously beaten by a small child in this film.
2010: Davis publishes his autobiography, Size Matters Not, with a foreword by George Lucas.
2011–13: He co-creates and stars in Life’s Too Short, playing a magnificently awful fictional version of himself. He plays himself.
2013: He plays Emperor Porridge in the Doctor Who episode “Nightmare in Silver” and appears onstage in Spamalot. Notably part of a truly awful episode where he is once again humiliated by children.
2014–24: Davis becomes a familiar television host through Weekend Escapes, Celebrity Squares and more than 200 episodes of Tenable.
2015–19: He appears in four consecutive Disney-era Star Wars films and voices Rukh in Star Wars Rebels.
2019: He returns as Wicket in The Rise of Skywalker, appearing alongside his son Harrison. The fact that they let him breed is fucked. He's like a human pug.
2022: Thirty-four years after the original film, Davis once again leads the adventure as Willow Ufgood in the Disney+ series Willow. A show that everyone hated, and was reviewed into the floor.
2025–26: Davis receives the BAFTA Fellowship, is made an OBE for services to drama and charity, and is confirmed to return as Flitwick in HBO’s new Harry Potter series. He will likely be further humiliated in his role as a 'gross goblinoid creature' in this show.
Warwick with members of the Reduced Height Theatre Company. (Colourised)
Key Achievements in his Short Life:
Awarded the BAFTA Fellowship in 2025, BAFTA’s highest honour, for his screen career and work challenging prejudice. Despite his work, most people still laugh when they see him waddle past.
Made an OBE in 2026 for services to drama and charity. He actually has done very good work for children born with diseases, I can't even mock this one.
Received an honorary Doctor of Arts from Anglia Ruskin University. I can mock this one, he's got a doctorate in being a faggot.
Co-founded Little People UK with his late wife Samantha, supporting people with dwarfism and their families. His wife died from complications brought about by having tiny baby organs shoved into a mangled, jigsaw puzzle resembling flesh sack.
Co-founded Willow Management, improving professional opportunities for short and exceptionally tall actors. He has to bring in the 6'3 chads to try and police people picking up midge actors and tossing them out the window.
Created the Reduced Height Theatre Company, the first professional theatre company composed entirely of short actors.
Sustained a career spanning childhood stardom, leading roles, character acting, comedy, presenting, producing and advocacy. Mostly famous now for trying to sue 4chan and utterly failing to achieve anything. This will one day launch his single and final role: A snuff film.
Conclusion:
Warwick is a figure that God placed onto the Earth as a way of making humans remain humble. He exists to crawl around the dirt, a figure of mockery and ridicule that should elicit pity and horror in equal measure. Due to the degeneracy and decayed state of our society, he has instead managed to amass great wealth and access to a standard of living that could not be achieved by 99.9% of all humans that have ever lived. His status as a human pug is overlooked by all that say he is brave, talented and kind. He has contributed to charity, spent years of his life helping children with lifelong illnesses and conditions. Thank you for reading, I am drunk.
2019: He returns as Wicket in The Rise of Skywalker, appearing alongside his son Harrison. The fact that they let him breed is fucked. He's like a human pug.
I think I've read something about how there is a weird 'ethno' nationalism among some dwarves similar to certain segments of the deaf community which is somewhat stronger than the solidarity movement among neurodivergents. Where certain more extreme elements consider themselves a clan apart. Discourage fraternization with the outside and hope for children who are also dwarves and deaf and cast out normal healthy children. I have no idea where Warwick stands on this issue though.
I think I've read something about how there is a weird 'ethno' nationalism among some dwarves similar to certain segments of the deaf community which is somewhat stronger than the solidarity movement among neurodivergents. Where certain more extreme elements consider themselves a clan apart. Discourage fraternization with the outside and hope for children who are also dwarves and deaf and cast out normal healthy children. I have no idea where Warwick stands on this issue though.
Also as a lesser scholar of the Warrickian path, I can tell you that he at least said he was mortified by the existence of midget villages in China. (Source: an Idiot Abroad)
Back before I was chatbanned I had a veritable folder of bookmarked warwick threads and the increasingly edgetarded sexual atrocities users planned to inflict on him and his family....in hindsight this is probably part of the reason I was chatbanned
After the events of today, I wondered if you would...
Latest news from the Turquoise Towers is that we are looking forward to Andy Burnham (sorry, it's ANDREW Burnham as he has already sacked a member of his team for calling him Andy) potentially and hopefully lasting less time than one Elizabeth Truss of Norfolk and Goode.
Why do we feel so confident? Well, the following tidbits are going to resurface before too long:
* The South Staffordshire Hospital scandal.
* The Transport For Greater Manchester EV Contracts scandal whereby his wife (yes, he is married surprisingly) Ms. Van Heel made money from her business Be.EV through contracts awarded by... her husband when he was Mayor of Mancland.
* He wants Beaker (Ed Miliband) as Chancellor of the Exchequer - this move will tank the markets and lead to an instant backbench rebellion.
Burnham won't win and will be gone when the pressure gets to him, though he could score a few easy wins like axing the Digital ID crap and tell the Police to just do their jobs without worrying about ignoring the permanently offended. Our prediction is that he'll ignore, deflect and kick the can - if he can get prices down, reduce the tax burden (or have Reeves hung, drawn and quartered) and get the trains to run on time then he might get some respect, but most thoughts are that more and more Labour MP's will be echoing the mood of the St. Austell and Newquay MP Noah Law (Labour) who earlier tweeted out 'What have we done?' as if he knows that this is a bad move on many fronts.
It's akin to hearing that Sir Jimmy Savile won't be visiting you in hospital, but then you hear a didgeridoo sound from down the corridor...
Just as Starmer ran out of hope and support, there are over 155 Labour MP's who backed him (at least initially) and it is not known whether or not they will support Andrew as PM... we could be doing this all again very soon and then talk will intensify about a...
What was that you were saying, Ange?
With only nine Parliament days between his first day as PM and the 'crowning' at the Conference in Liverpool, he doesn't have long to set his stall out as PM and, given that the country is currently in a delicate state defence wise, just what does he have in mind in order to secure the borders and win the confidence of the average voter?
Don't be surprised if it all ends before it has even begun.
