Kiwi Nursery Rhymes - Rhymes for the littlest kiwis

[Otis Mallebrok]

Kiwi Farms Nursery Rhymes:​

A leaflet with the kiwi supporter drawings (sans two), each accompanied with a simple nursery rhyme for every toddler kiwi to enjoy. Rhymes are by me and @LimeRikki

Background: I love the supporter kiwi drawings, and a few months ago I printed some out to show to some little children in my social circle, and the kiwis were a huge hit. Some childrens rhymes were eventually added, and I ended up making some in English too. They were very rough and @LimeRikki helped me, by editing (fixing) all my rhymes, and adding her own superior ones.

Print them out, and read them to any toddler. Prove to the world, that Kiwi Farms is the most wholesome website on the planet. Credit goes out to @LimeRikki, as mentioned, and especially to @Null’s fantastic artist. If you enjoy the drawings and the rhymes, you should consider buying Kiwi Gold so that Null can buy his illustrator something nice and keep the website afloat.

Also, feel free to come with suggestions for improvements etc.

Printing out and adding a hardcover​

A neat suggestion is to bind the sheets in a nice cover. For this you will need:

• 1 colour printer
• 12 sheets of paper, A4 or Letter. Use a heavier weight like 120 grams per m2. Also, ideally you should use short grained paper (I didn’t)
• Some decorative endpaper (can be printed)
• Some 2 mm thick cardboard for the cover and spine
• Some bookcloth to wrap the cover. Its like regular cloth but with a wax paper backing.
• PVA glue
• An expendable brush for the glueing
• A ruler and a square
• A utility knife and a pair of scissors
• An awl
• Needle and thread, somewhat thick like 0.5mm to 1mm (thats what I used)
• Something heavy and a board to use for pressing

Print out the three sections of four sheets each. Print them double sided, flip along the short edge. Fold each sheet in the middle, and combine four sheets to make a signature of 16 pages. Then follow this tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jabgWTJV6DQ Omit the head and foot bands. I used an 8 mm spine width, which seemed appropriate.

Full disclaimer: I did all of this, and it turned to complete shit, and my wife had to come and fix it. Woman moment But the result turned out pretty decent in the end


There are four pdf files attached. One is the full leaflet. The other three are for the individual 3 sections of a bound book. Their page ordering will make sense, once you make folios out of the sheets. Enjoy

Edit: I have added the rhymes as webp, so that people can read them without downloading a huge pdf. Feedback is appreciated

 

[Pomniman]

Print them out, and read them to any toddler. Prove to the world, that Kiwi Farms is the most wholesome website on the planet.

No need, there's already a heccin' holesum chungus spedtime story you can read your precious little angles (sic) for a whole 35 years.

 

[LimeRikki]

Now my silly little rhymes will be out in the world, soon to dominate the globe!!! Mwhahahaha!!!!

But for real this was a super fun collaboration and I hope lots of Farmers (and their little farmers) go on to enjoy it!!

 

[Otis Mallebrok]

But for real this was a super fun collaboration and I hope lots of Farmers (and their little farmers) go on to enjoy it!!

Thanks for helping a nigga out

 

[Crocodylus Acutus]

That's wonderful Otis. You and your wife did a great job

 

[Haunted Dishwasher]

Looked really cute, thought I'd look into the rhymes...

Didn't expect Ted Kaczynski in toddler's nursery rhyme book

 

[General Emílio Médici]

Null's empire grows as it branches off into children's literature.

 

[LimeRikki]

Null's empire grows as it branches off into children's literature.

Okay but the thought of KF healing its reputation by becoming a publisher and distributor of high quaility kid's books is kinda funny:

"What's that you're reading Timmy?"

"Little Kiwi's First Field Day! Say, Pops, how are they going to play tug-o-war? They're flightless birds!"

"Why, look! They're pulling the rope with their beaks! How fun, and what nice pictures too!"

Timmy turns to look directly into the camera

"That's right fellow kids, the latest installment of "Kiwi Elementary Adventures" is out now! Ask your parents to sent the crypto equivalent of $10.99 USD to Kiwi Publishing House to recieve your very own copy!"

A cheerful jingle starts up:
"You can always trust the Kiwi Publishing House! We're a whole lot better than that bloated old Mouse!"*

*Eat shit Mickey

 

[TheTitKoker]

Sample page without 5 hard R's and at least 5 other slurs? What is this nonsense? Otherwise good job on honing in the binding process.

 

[jandle]

So cute and so much care put into this, great job you two (and otis wife). If anyone prints this out it’d be awesome if you made a cute personalised cover and posted it

 

[Otis Mallebrok]

I made one more, now with less help from my dear wife. Its not as nice, but it turned out all right. I used a neat pattern of kiwis for the endpaper.

If anyone want to try their hand at this, get a lint roller. Especially if you use a workshop where you also do woodworking. Sawdust will get everywhere.

 

[Otis Mallebrok]

Per request, the endpaper pattern is provided here:

 

[Neuroticks]

This is fantastic

 

[Otis Mallebrok]

This is fantastic

Takk min kråkevenn

 

[Kiwilurker13]

Wholesome and high quality

 

[Curry Teafag]

One, two — Friedman's coming for you.
Three, four — Goldberg's at your door.
Five, six — Here's a Menshenvitz.
Seven, eight — Cohen stays up late.
Nine, ten — Bernstein does it again.

 

[REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

Spoiler: Text

Rhys McKinnon found a way to make his problems go away.
"I'll become a girl!" he cried, opportunity gleaming in his eye.
But Rhys you see was a lazy man, found a chance and with it ran.
He didn't stop to look or think and now his crotch drips with stink.
The axe wound suffered took him far, bought him houses and a car.
Published with the biggest names, while COVID raged our Rhys found fame.
He said "I need not write more words, I'll leave that work to you nerds!"
His bosses had a different view and decided with him they were through.
Back to Mother he would return, his tail tucked and badly burned.
Now he sits at home with mom again, waiting for the day to end.
His wife and friends are in the past, leaving just a puss filled gash.
Those who shirk their duty find that every time they're left behind.
God gives us work to make us strong, so thank him for it and move along.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

God, this is adorable. Massive semper fidelis to both of you for making this (and your wife too, Otis), it’s the cutest.

Can’t wait to see how the gender mafia on Reddit respond to this! What was that about “we’re coming for your children”?

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

This is the kind of stuff that has kept me lurking for almost a decade. Thank you for your work.