Significant-Hour1233 1 point 2 hours ago
Just as in my gender reflects female aligned experiences, and when dating men, romance and sex happens... it's affirming to my womanhood, naturally like with cis woman, but different... my connection to men, who are more sexually directed, will inherently involve sex and sometimes kink... it's more of a human thing, but performs like a heterosexual experience.
[–]hkom13 3 points 16 hours ago
i think your point about blanchard's hsts categorization being a broad reflection of female androsexuality is pretty insightful. what is normal for cis woman just has to be rooted in some sort of sexual perversion for us
i tend to only date or sleep with big hairy men who are taller and physically larger/stronger than me, mostly because i think big guys are hot, but partly because when im with them i feel very feminine and vulnerable by comparison. its that contrast youre talking about, and it feels so divine. ive been called superficial about this before, but like the vast majority of cis women are the same exact way. so why the hell should i have to be the one to push boundaries, simply cause im trans?
[–]67_dancing_elephants 4 points 17 hours ago
I think what you are describing here is actually pretty common among cis women, especially stuff like feeling driven to be more feminine to attract men and experiencing femininity as something in concert with being with men. The Blanchard stuff is wrong not because trans women don't have those kinds of feelings, but because of course we have those feelings, cis women have those feelings too! Usually this is discussed more in the AGP context, but it applies just as much to HSTS "trying to be womanly to attract men" stuff.
And that is to say, I would say I have a very similar experience. There's a strong desire to be with men, a sense that of course I should be with a man because I'm a woman, and it's driven a lot of my femininity. And I experience a sense of completeness that comes with a relationship with a man, and with sex with a man. While I identify as weakly bisexual (kinsey 1) I've never experienced either of those with women.
I think for me another big way gender impacted my sexuality applies to the specifics of my pre-crack life when I thought I was a straight guy. While with hindsight I'm pretty sure I was always into men, I think that because I am a mostly straight woman, my brain literally never contemplated the possibility of being in a gay relationship with a man as a man. I'm a woman, so it does not compute that I could be in a relationship that doesn't have a woman. I'm pretty sure my subconscious felt this powerfully, which is why I was so certain I liked women when in fact I am at most weakly attracted to them.
SparkleFrission 4 points 1 day ago
I'm attracted to men, emotionally and physically, but the thought of (me) being with a man as a man is a turn-off. Frankly I think women are actually a little easier on the eyes, but I have very little interest in being with them sexually.
I feel like it would be fair to say that when I'm feeling really attracted to a man, I get an impulse to be more feminine so that he will like me. It would also be fair to say that an attractive man being attracted to me feels like a consumation of my femininity (I would avoid using terms like "affirmation" or "validation", because I really don't feel like this is me asking for an external entity to dissolve my doubts that I am a woman, rather, I think this is all because, as I wrote, man and women complement each other in my mind)
AGP, if it exists at all, is not a trans phenomenon:
But you make me wanna act like a girl
Paint my nails and wear perfume for you
Make me so nervous that I just can't hold your hand
Heart Attack by Demi Lovato
Plenty of cis women like how they look, like being seen as attractive girls, and enjoy being smaller, being softer, being cute, and like the contrast of big, rough, manly men.
When cis women masturbate, they're generally thinking about having sex with men as *gasp!* women. When they watch porn, they're generally self-inserting as the woman. When men watch porn, half of it has their own stand-in dick front and center in the frame to remind them they're a "banging this chick" as a dude.
Your gender (not your sex) is a key part of your sexuality. It's the difference between being a straight woman and a gay man or vice versa.
So... yes, your observations and experiences are valid. No they don't have anything to do with Blanchard's nonsense, and I would encourage you to stop consuming his ideas.
