I've noticed lately I'm having issues with witnessing.
I've got some friends who aren't Christians, two in particular bug the hell out of me; one's a Satanist who just wants to be edgy and contrary and the other was raised in a church but is now agnostic, and it's like, I love both of them and care about them and I don't want either of them to go to Hell, but I feel muted when the topic comes up. I want to be a good friend and listen and care about their perspectives, and why they are the way they are, but when I hear "wehh my pastor is a Republican and blocked me on Facebook for being a blathering liberal so now I'm not sure God exists," and "I'm a nasty freak and I'm gonna go to Hell and give Satan a lap dance like Nas blehhhh" IT MAKES ME WANT TO THROTTLE THEM SO BAD!!
I've been so fucked up about death for years and years now, and when my little sister died unexpectedly it made that worse, so when I see these people with first world problems reject God I just want to grab them and be like "These are such small potatoes, you could die at any second and you need to believe in Christ or you're going to Hell! I love you and don't want you to suffer eternally because you're having feelings in this lifetime!!!" I want to be this wall and be like, Christ is king, you have to accept that as truth, I cannot let you NOT believe this.
But I also don't want to scare off my friends who up 'til now have known me as someone who listens and understands and cares and doesn't try to push my shit onto them. It's not like I can just go from one to the other, it'd be jarring and I might lose that position in their lives as a friend they can trust with this kind of stuff.
I was recently pie-in-the-sky thinking about doing a mission trip or some kind of volunteer trip recently, right, just an option nothing serious yet, but then I was like "it feels so rude to just barge into some third world shithole mud hut like HI! I'm a bright shiny American with no real problems, wanna hear about my God???!?!!" I shouldn't feel that way 'cause I know God will improve things for people, but just...uggghhhhhhhhhh it's so difficult. I'm supposed to spread the word to all 4 corners of Judea and I can't even talk to my shitass friends, why am I over here thinking about getting on a plane and talking to people in some other country??? I don't know what's wrong with me, does anyone else have any perspective on this?