- Registrado
- 4 de Mar, 2019
Bronies and troonery. Name a more popular combination.
This is gonna be a very paraphrased and only slightly edited version of the original post I made on my semi-private server. But for reasons you will understand soon, I chose to maintain the core of the message as intact as possible. So please bear with me here.
I have never been the eloquent person I try to carry myself as, or any good with words if any of my works were any indication of that already,
but I will try to get this across.
I have also a track record of my shitposty or not so serious posts, but in this instance here, you can trust im wearing my heart in my sleeves for you all. Trust.
It was something that started as a joke, spearheaded by a person I can safely consider one of my closest friends in this site, one whose private conversations with her made me reach this decision . For that alone, she deserves the world (you know who you are). But anyway, about that joke. Basically, it consisted on calling me a "she", despite the very unambiguous gendered username I bear.
Yeah, this is gonna be one of those posts.
The truth is... that felt right. It didn't start that way, god knows I opposed a lot of resistance at first. Some even began to forget what my assigned gender at birth was, if they ever even knew it in the first place. Then I found myself rolling with it. And the more I was referred to and treated as a girl, the more it led to me doing some uncomfortable, deep, and frankly necessary introspections.
After some time, I could finally put my finger on why I didn't feel sharing my voice on VC with others (like, just speaking); Why I felt more identified with female characters (I mean, c'mon, look at my entire online persona and pfp's) and attracted to male ones; Why I always was very sympathetic to other trans people even when I barely knew them; And why I can't look at myself in the mirror without averting my gaze out of shame not of what i have become but who I always "was".
Or why im no longer comfortable bearing the "guy" part of my username.
Im not even sure I have done the right amount of introspection of this or thought about it more throroughly, or that it is the right decision, being born from a joke and all that. And I know everything that it entails, how everything can and will potentially change. The world will become a more hostile place for me, for one, to a degree that im not sure will offset whatever comfort I will feel for my newfound identity. And even if im not ready to take it to that realm yet, my friends, who found out about this earlier, have encouraged me to gradually take some steps towards figuring this out. Still, im not confident about how will I navigate around all this, be it online or irl.
All I know is that it will start by putting myself out here to you all, who I trust enough to taking this first step to.
TLDR: Im trans, MtF. Take it or leave it.
I want to also thanks all my friends for their overwhelming support they have given to me in lieau of these news. Writing this blog was partly hard cause of how floored I was (and kinda still am). It's surreal how eloquent and how much of a punch does a simple arrangement of words such as "you are valid" has. As someone who has struggled a lot with guilt over seeking validation through vulnerability, opening up to them and making me feel like I really mattered has made me believe like I do. So truly, thanks.