We are indeed out and about. She's in a Walmart. She is in a scooter and can’t figure out how to get out of an aisle. She finally gets it after much loud beeping and nervous giggling.
A beezer thanks her for taking them all out. “Yeah… well I have no life, so…”
Looking at Pyjamas, trying to figure out if they’re plus sized. Looking at sandals (slippers) and accidentally runs into the display with the scooter. “Should I get some Mukluks?”
“Don’t say I have no life? Thank you, haha… life is hard”
Random man walks by in a cape… Seems a bit late for Halloween?
Lots of looking at plus size clothing. There’s something she doesn’t like about Walmart clothes she says. “Medium, this is plus you liars? Extra large… They lied! Let’s see the snacks.”
She shows her face and my computer craps out. Even it doesn’t want to be subjected to this. “Here’s me. This is my future. M lovely future.” She pulls up on the turtle neck collar several times, attempting to hide the chins. Complains that the store is going to come up to her any second and tell her to stop filming. Gets distracted by her favorite cheese crackers that she has to show the audience. Continues to scoot down different grocery isles.
“Don’t show me another bottle of tahini again. For every bottle of tahini I see, I see heart ache. It’s bullshit” lol.
Asks if she should get breakfast cereal but she says she doesn’t eat in the morning.
Announces that her Pennington’s order has arrived. “So, we have to get that after”.
We’re suddenly very excited by something on a shelf. “You guys… FLUFF!”
The chat tells her she should be walking. “Walk? No! I can’t walk a lot guys, you know this.” . . . “Personal care? I don’t think so because, honestly, I just don’t care. Especially since I’m uhh… Oh I do need deodorant, but again I don’t care if I stink. I don’t give a shit.”
“I’m not starting my Christmas shopping,” she mentions. More scooting around, looking at home goods and children’s toys. We turn down the Barbie aisle. Sees some stuffed animals, opines that they don’t have super huge ones like the llama.
Coughs aggressively in the children's toy section. “Why do I need a car when I have a scooter? I'm gonna steal it like The Fast and The Furious… That would be Ehh-moral… A-moral, eh?”
Reads a beezer comment, “This is proof she’s driving the cart while high! She’s baked, you can hear the slur in her words” Chantal laughs and responds “No I’m not actually, probably just from all the days of being it… I had to lay off, ya know?”
Moves on to another aisle, Christmas decor. “I just feel like, what’s the point. There’s nobody at my house. Like who cares? I have no one to make happy... You need to make yourself happy? Well these things don’t make me happy. If I wanna be happy… take me to Joos.”
Rolls down the pet section, the cat aisle. Finds a pink stocking full of cat toys. Wonders about the price then puts it in her cart.
(She blocks aisles constantly throughout this journey and it’s driving me crazy.)
She briefly puts us down, only to pick us up and we’re upside down for a few seconds before she notices.
Starts looking at Glade candles but says that they’re bad for cats. Looks at the price tag, then moves on from the candles/room spray section.
“I sound a bit better today? Thank you. Uhm, I’m feeling like… uhm… I don’t even know how I’m feeling honestly. Just… I have to get through whatever. Yeah, just uhm, numb, and just uhh...”
“Dudes, I’m not high. Like whatsoever. Like at all.” (It doesn’t seem like she’s high)
Picks up a mirror for the bathroom before moving on in search of lip gloss.
“I’m gonna have to, like, move my ass every day if I don’t wanna be super depressed… Uh oh, my battery is dead!” She started with a full charge at the beginning of the stream. She starts to scoot as fast as she can to another one, with the scooter chugging and beeping every few seconds. She’s lost and doesn’t know where the entrance is, but sees a McDonalds. Chat recommends she walks to another scooter at least. Says she wants to return it and that’s why she’s chugging it along. Beezer calls Walmart ableist, Chantal laughs and agrees.
“Oooh, it goes by how much you weigh, right? . . . I’m gonna need a huge battery. Ok, I’ll be right back.” Mutes and turns off the camera. A few minutes later she returns. Trying to slow her breathing. We seem to be sitting in a foot court now. She self-consciously messes with her hair. “I just left, I just left all the stuff.” . . . “I decided against getting the stuff . . . been doing my makeup without a mirror for a long time. Not about to start now.” It shows gorl.
“I’m just sad. . . Being at the mall reminds me of being in Kuwait at the mall. ”She starts to tear up at this, sniffling. Responds to her chat, “Who says I’m better off?” Moves on to ask chat what she should get from the food court. “Or maybe I should wait till I get home… I don’t wanna have to uhh, you know, on uh, the public transit.” Someone tells her not to get shawarma, it'll make her emotional. Just saying that makes her more emotional. “I’m trying not to.. I’m just, I’m trying not to (be emotional).”
Since she’s sat down at the food court, she’s stuck her finger in her mouth to scratch the back of her throat twice. I think she does it a total of 4 times.
She’s staring at the chat, reading silently with tears welling up in her eyes before commenting on her dry hair. Chat tells her to stay strong and they love her. “Thank you, I love you guys too. I appreciate it.”
Someone recommends a wig shop. “No thanks” she says. “Look at my widow’s peak. What am I supposed to do with this? Maybe I should just go home. Be a failure with my cat. I don’t even feel like eating or drinking.”
“I don’t know HOW I wanted to come back. To what!? To what… At least his family there cared about me . . . A better life, doing what? How is this better?” mumble-reads a chat that says something about it taking one month for every year you were together to get over it, or something. Does that apply to fake marriages, too? “I mean, Salah and I are over, so, that’s it.”
Starts reading the chat and addressing comments directly without reading them out.
“I will be happy again? I doubt it, I really doubt it.” . . . “I just want to be the center of someone’s world, ya know?”
A lot of yeahs, trues, and heavy breathing. Says she’s going to go and will come back later.
