How would a film adaptation of my life play out? I think it would be a fusion of Cronenberg’s take on Naked Lunch with the film adaptation of Mommy Dearest while sprinkling in conspiracy fiction ala Oliver Stone’s JFK. It would be your sad child narrative, ripe for the kind of exploitation that would play on the Lifetime or Hallmark channels, where it would end with an imaginary conclusion of how I made it; with my entire existence equaling a shitty made-for-TV movie. If I had a choice in an adaptation of my life I would instead choose it to be modeled after The Omen series (as a child I heavily identified with Damien, which I’m sure would be of no surprise to anyone reading thus far) and feature influence from European arthouse films (particularly by Herzog or Tarkovsky) with two people in a room speaking in awkward conversation with Fulci-style gore scenes being the grand conclusion. It would be as if Dr. Seuss wrote an adaptation to Lucio Fulci’s Cat in the Brain.
