Interests YT 4/2 - Son-Chu figure review

[Duck]

I'll watch and transcribe when I get home.

Do you have 8 hours to spare?

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

There are probably about 4 people 'workin on it' to transcribe this video. 3 of them will be really pissed that they wasted so much time and got scooped by the first one to get done.

That forth person who actually completes it will successfully morph into a butterfly of :autism:

 

[The American Hedgehog]

Anyone transcribed yet? Cos i got fuck all to do all evening and a nice big bottle of Domestos to shot so I'll have a go.

I'll watch and transcribe when I get home.

Trilby covered the first minute here. You guys should probably coordinate via PM so your work doesn't end up duplicated.

 

[Trilby]

It appears that he slapped an apple sticker on the back of his pc monitor.

Talk about tacky!

Though where he thought for a time that Optimus Prime was a 'symbol of straightness' I've never quite figured out where he got THAT idea from, since obviously sexual orientation was never part of the franchise and even more obviously he's "ditched" the concept entirely (despite, ironically, being some idiot pretending to be trans but really still a guy lusting after women as usual).

Aside from Optimus Prime being the leader of the Autobots, I really have no other reason why Chris would think that way at all, unless leaders are supposed to be straight.

He painted it the same way he made his custom amiibos and LEGO hedgehogs. Sloppily.

With those crab-like hands.

And this is coming from somebody who has perfected using Michaels-bought water base acrylics for detailing Gundam models. It isn't difficult to even look right, but you have to thin the paint AND apply several layers over time to build up color. It's plain as day that Chris did neither and rushed this custom Transformer as he is prone to do with everything.

And even THEN he didn't do a clean job. You can still make out the original colors in the gaps on both the main figure and the Sawback shield gaps (because orange sticks out from blue easily).

It makes me wonder how he painted that Sonichu animation cel thing he has/had up on the wall in the background. I'm certainly there's a lot of transparency involved!

Trilby covered the first minute here. You guys should probably coordinate via PM so your work doesn't end up duplicated.

Yeah I got the ball rolling there, I figured if we did it piecemeal, it would save a lot of trouble.

 

[Lalala]

Trilby covered the first minute here. You guys should probably coordinate via PM so your work doesn't end up duplicated.

Only got five minutes in before having to go out so @MasterDisaster will most likely finish first, if its not posted when i get home ill carry on.

 

[crunchysalty]

Shit even the camera was zoning out due to the level of tisum in that video.

 

[Optimus Prime]

It makes me wonder how he painted that Sonichu animation cel thing he has/had up on the wall in the background. I'm certainly there's a lot of transparency involved!

While he probably used the same materials for the color, painting an 'animation cell' would be far easier than a post-production plastic toy. The former is both two-dimensional and probably made of paper anyway (Chris couldn't possibly have the material necessary for a true 'fake' animation cell) so the material is both porous and has 'grit' so it absorbs paint far easier in less coats - at the cost of being harder to fix mistakes from.

A post-production toy is much different. By nature, ABS plastic (the kind used in most Transformers toys) does not have a rough surface or 'porous' structure, thus cheap paint that doesn't have a lot of grip strength to begin with isn't going to hold worth a damn on smooth surface plastic when something tough enough to scratch against it rakes off whole patches of plastic. This is also why thinning and layering paint is critical, as the paint tends to 'bunch up' when used raw and thus makes it hard to get a smooth, even coloration without leaving obvious brush strokes. Crayola Model Magic, being porous, never has this issue and so Chris treated this little project of his with a Hasbro frankenstien no differently than anything else he's made. And without any sealer - and probably even with some cheap shit - I bet you could take the toy parts and run them under water long enough to scrub off almost all the paint.

The irony then would be that you could take what Chris has and then 'fix' the custom such that it resembles the Autobot Nightbeat, who has a similar color scheme believe it or not with mainly blue and yellow.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

While he probably used the same materials for the color, painting an 'animation cell' would be far easier than a post-production plastic toy. The former is both two-dimensional and probably made of paper anyway (Chris couldn't possibly have the material necessary for a true 'fake' animation cell) so the material is both porous and has 'grit' so it absorbs paint far easier in less coats - at the cost of being harder to fix mistakes from.

A post-production toy is much different. By nature, ABS plastic (the kind used in most Transformers toys) does not have a rough surface or 'porous' structure, thus cheap paint that doesn't have a lot of grip strength to begin with isn't going to hold worth a damn on smooth surface plastic when something tough enough to scratch against it rakes off whole patches of plastic. This is also why thinning and layering paint is critical, as the paint tends to 'bunch up' when used raw and thus makes it hard to get a smooth, even coloration without leaving obvious brush strokes. Crayola Model Magic, being porous, never has this issue and so Chris treated this little project of his with a Hasbro frankenstien no differently than anything else he's made. And without any sealer - and probably even with some cheap shit - I bet you could take the toy parts and run them under water long enough to scrub off almost all the paint.

The irony then would be that you could take what Chris has and then 'fix' the custom such that it resembles the Autobot Nightbeat, who has a similar color scheme believe it or not with mainly blue and yellow.

At that point just get the Nightbeat recolour of Generations Bumblebee. Less work, better looking head that isn't a Titan Master.

 

[Thunderwing]

So... Chris(Tine) decided probably wasted more than what he could had wasted if he did get a mediocre customizer to paint it (IMO it would had looked far better than the piece of shit that Chris made)


Keep in mind that he used two medium sized figures (Both are like 16 bucks acording to bigbadtoystore, plus 5 bucks for the shield lion and probably 5-15 for the crappy paint... Like almost 4o bucks, I know people that can customize toys a lot better than Chris... and they don't even ask a lot for it, like what, 7 bucks for a decently paint job?)

At least he should had included a comic of the Samurai Pizza Bots to make the deal worth it, but nope.

 

[Trilby]

While he probably used the same materials for the color, painting an 'animation cell' would be far easier than a post-production plastic toy. The former is both two-dimensional and probably made of paper anyway (Chris couldn't possibly have the material necessary for a true 'fake' animation cell) so the material is both porous and has 'grit' so it absorbs paint far easier in less coats - at the cost of being harder to fix mistakes from.

Being off-topic here, I will say that cel painting is pretty one a one-coat affair, though it does require watering paints to a liquid consistency so they puddle onto the cel, since you're not supposed to stroke the paint on. Sometimes if the color appears too transparent after the first coat dries, a second coat is needed. I worked on a friend's project that forced me to paint hundreds of cels for him, using only acrylic craft paint from the store. Pretty handy experience to work out.

A post-production toy is much different. By nature, ABS plastic (the kind used in most Transformers toys) does not have a rough surface or 'porous' structure, thus cheap paint that doesn't have a lot of grip strength to begin with isn't going to hold worth a damn on smooth surface plastic when something tough enough to scratch against it rakes off whole patches of plastic. This is also why thinning and layering paint is critical, as the paint tends to 'bunch up' when used raw and thus makes it hard to get a smooth, even coloration without leaving obvious brush strokes. Crayola Model Magic, being porous, never has this issue and so Chris treated this little project of his with a Hasbro frankenstien no differently than anything else he's made. And without any sealer - and probably even with some cheap shit - I bet you could take the toy parts and run them under water long enough to scrub off almost all the paint.

The irony then would be that you could take what Chris has and then 'fix' the custom such that it resembles the Autobot Nightbeat, who has a similar color scheme believe it or not with mainly blue and yellow.

If only Chris was into model kits I guess.

 

[MasterDisaster]

I am currently transcribing. It's fucking awful and I hate volunteering for this. I am stopping at twelve minutes because any more of this and I'm going to kill myself. I can feel the blood welling behind my eyeballs.

 

[Thunderwing]

I am currently transcribing. It's fucking awful and I hate volunteering for this. I am stopping at twelve minutes because any more of this and I'm going to kill myself. I can feel the blood welling behind my eyeballs.

Why are you trying to torture yourself by watching the whole video?

Oh... I see now.

 

[MasterDisaster]

Why are you trying to torture yourself by watching the whole video?

I suffer so that you may all go on with your sanity intact.

 

[Thunderwing]

I suffer so that you may all go on with your sanity intact.

Too bad I've already lost my sanity by watching some of the worst shit that Chris has ever done.

 

[ShittyRecolor]

Chrissy really should've gone with Titan Master Repugnus as the head:

It's a lot more fitting both in color scheme and in name. Then again, Repugnus's "vehicle parter" might've triggered Barb's holey buttocks beyond repair:

 

[MasterDisaster]

Alright my little Sonichu's here's part one (of my inevitable descent into madness).
If I break this up into segments I might be about to maintain some semblance of sanity.

Spoiler: Chris Son-Chu video transcribed: Part One

(Opens with stock special offer scene)


Chris in a weird ass high pitched voice: (Stupid crap in table, stupid Skylander shit being used as a backdrop again.) This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's plam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video.
There will be two available one for random drawing and one for the online winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop (gasp) that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get (reaches behind self) But thye also get the Skylander self figure(? Hard to hear) and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for leading consoles minus Nintendo Switch. (Removes figure and card) And now, on with our show.

(Scene change)
1:29
Stupid custom autobot on display. Sonichu enters from left)
Chris as Sonichu:Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted.
Rosechu enters from right.)
Sonichu:Whaddya think of that, Rosie?
Rosechu: I think he looks neat.
Sonichu: Ah tell you one thing; I knew when he was an escort...and now he has a lot more 'Focus' on.
Rosechu: Ford.

(Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu. It's as autistic as the joke.)

Sonichu: Automobile joke autobots rollout.
(Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.)

1:55
(Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign; It say 'Not(underlined and the N is backwards) The Freakin Geek Reviews' with 'homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits (backwards k) and great reviews. This remains to be seen. Chris is providing his own background music.)

(After a shitter Transition Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his 'custom car is front and center.)

2:20
Chris is speaking in a high pitched hard to hear girly/goofball voice.)

Chris: Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again not Emgo316 and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world Autobot Som-Chu! So here we are dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look (brings backdrop forward) at thuh packaging see right here on the front (mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up) right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! (unintelligable autism) and on the side I have that same piece of artwork on the bottom WORDS~!(Annoying loud attempt to be 'funny') lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory photo shots you got this and that this and that WORDING~! DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the bear! (Autistic gibberish follows, robot is in there) Big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that (you can't its out of focus) he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later thats basically it FORE~! (Throws the backdrop out of shot.) (Cannot make out the next thing he say's; sounds something like pack is edgy, dunno.) He also come with a coollector card with that same piece of artwork (flips card) and tech specs Autob- Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card (Throws it across room.) Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty little cat. (Can't make it out something about art) Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! Itsa my joke the beginning more understandable if you get it.(Puls out sonichu pic) So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own autobot the place so that wsa the first Son-Chu autobot during the era of the Arhmada lookit that face LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later(flips picture over) (mumble) dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those and my car that's how we end up (Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu) with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu! And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there (point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu) becomes the shield and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later we got new robot mode because hicame Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus Escort Focus Focus Escort it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on (fake laughs at own joke.)

(Bad cutaway)
5:54

Chris: And now we;ve got a beautiful mood(?) from helpishly(?) from Hasbro duh matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say bold(?) same mold or uh Rundown or Breakdown but you know what (Unintelligable higher pitch) but he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. (Shows cars ass) And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! (Flips it to the front end) Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back (stress sigh) Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera (Flips car to bottom) and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look the windows in the tinted (More autistic mumbling) he was originally Breakaway but he does come with a few pieces were gonna get into he includes his titan master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a custom painted face... painted his hands-lookhishands- (autism) Camera. Fix the camera Sony so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course (Has flipped the little robot into the head) Who has upside down face?

Dumb Robot: I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.

Chris: (Autistic mumbling) Two Titan Masters becuase he's got one for go behind his shield get to that in a moment. Here is other titan master little tiny we call him arc 1 you'll get to see why in just a moment as usual (gibberish) they have the wibbly-wobbly head thier arms can either got partway or up and down and legs (makes dumb little robot dance) and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called (Bart)1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself (Knocks over the arc/bart1 bot)

Son-Chi: I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. (Is then molested by Chris to 'sit')

Chris: And you bend his legs you put him in the drivers seat and of course that's the only way (Points to raised windows) I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms open-part. And then we move onto the next part that's included (Annoying voice) DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black yellow leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 (molests robot) come on titan master put him in de back of his head (Inserts poor robot into lions head) get the lion there get the picture once more (Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture) Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here (Points to station wagon roof) its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep he shield so Hashbro thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison (introduces duplicate of toy) here he is with Sawback, the original TItan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...
(autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is)
Alright so what you want to do (gets to molesting the lion robot) is you wanna take these parts and move em forward (transforming) pull his legs forward, tilt head back (Transforming) I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. (Transformed) Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I have a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most(?), put the lion up there (Puts next to car) Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her (pantomines running buy slapping the lion against the table a few times, makes car sounds, more 'running' sounds) Or fun one I figgered out (stands lion on top of car) thank you spoilers lookit that. (Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth) Obviously he can't stay up there (Flips car, throws lion off) SOrry bout that.

(Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.)
11:26
Lion:Hey 3D! -Growls-
Chris: Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor.
Lion: (Autistic growling) I got a mission.
Chris: You can go back. So moving right along (kill me) He's got a couple other-a few other accessories. He includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together it took most-more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -on the side-...aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side.
(Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.

There are two kinds of mispellings here. I was typing while he was talking so I might have flubbed a word here and there. Other times it's me doing my best to emulate his unique vernacular.

 

[idosometimes]

This wasn't much of a review. he sort of talked about the Sonichu lore and where the transforming robots fit into the story about pokemen who merged with sonic and had babies.

He's had it for a while. He wanted to sell it on Etsy at one point. I'm always amazed at how big Chris's ego is that he has so much stuff with his avatar on it.

He has always been the main character in his comic world. His music is only about his life. His Animal Crossing video was showing his life. He wanted to make a video game about himself. You can't blame him though. His life is so interesting. He has always been very popular.

He was an attractive guy with a 5-7 inch penis who had lots of gal pals. Now he is slim teen lipstick lesbian with natural tits and a real vagina. He is just someone everyone wants.

 

[Thunderwing]

Chrissy really should've gone with Titan Master Repugnus as the head:

It's a lot more fitting both in color scheme and in name. Then again, Repugnus's "vehicle parter" might've triggerd Barb's holey buttocks beyond repair:

And he would had saved 10 bucks for the Lego.

Alright my little Sonichu's here's part one (of my inevitable descent into madness).
If I break this up into segments I might be about to maintain some semblance of sanity.

Spoiler: Chris Son-Chu video transcribed: Part One

(Opens with stock special offer scene)


Chris in a weird ass high pitched voice: (Stupid crap in table, stupid Skylander shit being used as a backdrop again.) This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's plam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video.
There will be two available one for random drawing and one for the online winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop (gasp) that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get (reaches behind self) But thye also get the Skylander self figure(? Hard to hear) and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for leading consoles minus Nintendo Switch. (Removes figure and card) And now, on with our show.

(Scene change)
1:29
Stupid custom autobot on display. Sonichu enters from left)
Chris as Sonichu:Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted.
Rosechu enters from right.)
Sonichu:Whaddya think of that, Rosie?
Rosechu: I think he looks neat.
Sonichu: Ah tell you one thing; I knew when he was an escort...and now he has a lot more 'Focus' on.
Rosechu: Ford.

(Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu. It's as autistic as the joke.)

Sonichu: Automobile joke autobots rollout.
(Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.)

1:55
(Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign; It say 'Not(underlined and the N is backwards) The Freakin Geek Reviews' with 'homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits (backwards k) and great reviews. This remains to be seen. Chris is providing his own background music.)

(After a shitter Transition Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his 'custom car is front and center.)

2:20
Chris is speaking in a high pitched hard to hear girly/goofball voice.)

Chris: Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again not Emgo316 and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world Autobot Som-Chu! So here we are dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look (brings backdrop forward) at thuh packaging see right here on the front (mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up) right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! (unintelligable autism) and on the side I have that same piece of artwork on the bottom WORDS~!(Annoying loud attempt to be 'funny') lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory photo shots you got this and that this and that WORDING~! DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the bear! (Autistic gibberish follows, robot is in there) Big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that (you can't its out of focus) he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later thats basically it FORE~! (Throws the backdrop out of shot.) (Cannot make out the next thing he say's; sounds something like pack is edgy, dunno.) He also come with a coollector card with that same piece of artwork (flips card) and tech specs Autob- Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card (Throws it across room.) Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty little cat. (Can't make it out something about art) Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! Itsa my joke the beginning more understandable if you get it.(Puls out sonichu pic) So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own autobot the place so that wsa the first Son-Chu autobot during the era of the Arhmada lookit that face LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later(flips picture over) (mumble) dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those and my car that's how we end up (Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu) with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu! And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there (point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu) becomes the shield and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later we got new robot mode because hicame Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus Escort Focus Focus Escort it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on (fake laughs at own joke.)

(Bad cutaway)
5:54

Chris: And now we;ve got a beautiful mood(?) from helpishly(?) from Hasbro duh matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say bold(?) same mold or uh Rundown or Breakdown but you know what (Unintelligable higher pitch) but he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. (Shows cars ass) And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! (Flips it to the front end) Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back (stress sigh) Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera (Flips car to bottom) and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look the windows in the tinted (More autistic mumbling) he was originally Breakaway but he does come with a few pieces were gonna get into he includes his titan master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a custom painted face... painted his hands-lookhishands- (autism) Camera. Fix the camera Sony so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course (Has flipped the little robot into the head) Who has upside down face?

Dumb Robot: I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.

Chris: (Autistic mumbling) Two Titan Masters becuase he's got one for go behind his shield get to that in a moment. Here is other titan master little tiny we call him arc 1 you'll get to see why in just a moment as usual (gibberish) they have the wibbly-wobbly head thier arms can either got partway or up and down and legs (makes dumb little robot dance) and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called (Bart)1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself (Knocks over the arc/bart1 bot)

Son-Chi: I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. (Is then molested by Chris to 'sit')

Chris: And you bend his legs you put him in the drivers seat and of course that's the only way (Points to raised windows) I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms open-part. And then we move onto the next part that's included (Annoying voice) DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black yellow leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 (molests robot) come on titan master put him in de back of his head (Inserts poor robot into lions head) get the lion there get the picture once more (Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture) Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here (Points to station wagon roof) its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep he shield so Hashbro thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison (introduces duplicate of toy) here he is with Sawback, the original TItan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...
(autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is)
Alright so what you want to do (gets to molesting the lion robot) is you wanna take these parts and move em forward (transforming) pull his legs forward, tilt head back (Transforming) I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. (Transformed) Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I have a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most(?), put the lion up there (Puts next to car) Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her (pantomines running buy slapping the lion against the table a few times, makes car sounds, more 'running' sounds) Or fun one I figgered out (stands lion on top of car) thank you spoilers lookit that. (Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth) Obviously he can't stay up there (Flips car, throws lion off) SOrry bout that.

(Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.)
11:26
Lion:Hey 3D! -Growls-
Chris: Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor.
Lion: (Autistic growling) I got a mission.
Chris: You can go back. So moving right along (kill me) He's got a couple other-a few other accessories. He includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together it took most-more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -on the side-...aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side.
(Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.

There are two kinds of mispellings here. I was typing while he was talking so I might have flubbed a word here and there. Other times it's me doing my best to emulate his unique vernacular.

Wow... just... wow

 

[The Dude]

Some guys restore classic cars for a hobby, some guys tour the country on motorcycles, some guys hunt, some guys build custom off road vehicles to tackle the harshest terrain on Earth.

Some guys enjoy jumping out of airplanes, some guys dive shipwrecks, some guys collect military uniforms and equipment from important historical wars, some guys spend their off time in competitive shooting sports.

There are guys who enjoy building and painting intricate models or building highly detailed model train layouts without letting the slightest detail elude them. The are guys who train their whole lives to climb the tallest mountains or fight in mixed martial arts. There are guys who enjoy photography and capture the beauty of nature or encapsulate the hustle and bustle of a busy city street for all time in a still image.

Then there is Chris. A 35 year old adult who spends all his time playing with toys meant for someone a quarter his age and repainting them to fit his fantasy world. And it isn't that he's a grown-ass adult trying to make parts of his imagination land a reality, it's that he does it in such a lazy, half-assed way and the massive ego behind it. It's also in the way he rips off so many points of pop culture and then has the sheer audacity to call it original. Thirty-fucking-five years old, folks.

 

[Lalala]

Alright my little Sonichu's here's part one (of my inevitable descent into madness).
If I break this up into segments I might be about to maintain some semblance of sanity.

Spoiler: Chris Son-Chu video transcribed: Part One

(Opens with stock special offer scene)


Chris in a weird ass high pitched voice: (Stupid crap in table, stupid Skylander shit being used as a backdrop again.) This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's plam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video.
There will be two available one for random drawing and one for the online winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop (gasp) that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get (reaches behind self) But thye also get the Skylander self figure(? Hard to hear) and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for leading consoles minus Nintendo Switch. (Removes figure and card) And now, on with our show.

(Scene change)
1:29
Stupid custom autobot on display. Sonichu enters from left)
Chris as Sonichu:Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted.
Rosechu enters from right.)
Sonichu:Whaddya think of that, Rosie?
Rosechu: I think he looks neat.
Sonichu: Ah tell you one thing; I knew when he was an escort...and now he has a lot more 'Focus' on.
Rosechu: Ford.

(Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu. It's as autistic as the joke.)

Sonichu: Automobile joke autobots rollout.
(Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.)

1:55
(Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign; It say 'Not(underlined and the N is backwards) The Freakin Geek Reviews' with 'homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits (backwards k) and great reviews. This remains to be seen. Chris is providing his own background music.)

(After a shitter Transition Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his 'custom car is front and center.)

2:20
Chris is speaking in a high pitched hard to hear girly/goofball voice.)

Chris: Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again not Emgo316 and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world Autobot Som-Chu! So here we are dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look (brings backdrop forward) at thuh packaging see right here on the front (mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up) right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! (unintelligable autism) and on the side I have that same piece of artwork on the bottom WORDS~!(Annoying loud attempt to be 'funny') lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory photo shots you got this and that this and that WORDING~! DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the bear! (Autistic gibberish follows, robot is in there) Big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that (you can't its out of focus) he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later thats basically it FORE~! (Throws the backdrop out of shot.) (Cannot make out the next thing he say's; sounds something like pack is edgy, dunno.) He also come with a coollector card with that same piece of artwork (flips card) and tech specs Autob- Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card (Throws it across room.) Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty little cat. (Can't make it out something about art) Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! Itsa my joke the beginning more understandable if you get it.(Puls out sonichu pic) So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own autobot the place so that wsa the first Son-Chu autobot during the era of the Arhmada lookit that face LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later(flips picture over) (mumble) dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those and my car that's how we end up (Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu) with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu! And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there (point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu) becomes the shield and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later we got new robot mode because hicame Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus Escort Focus Focus Escort it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on (fake laughs at own joke.)

(Bad cutaway)
5:54

Chris: And now we;ve got a beautiful mood(?) from helpishly(?) from Hasbro duh matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say bold(?) same mold or uh Rundown or Breakdown but you know what (Unintelligable higher pitch) but he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. (Shows cars ass) And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! (Flips it to the front end) Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back (stress sigh) Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera (Flips car to bottom) and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look the windows in the tinted (More autistic mumbling) he was originally Breakaway but he does come with a few pieces were gonna get into he includes his titan master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a custom painted face... painted his hands-lookhishands- (autism) Camera. Fix the camera Sony so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course (Has flipped the little robot into the head) Who has upside down face?

Dumb Robot: I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.

Chris: (Autistic mumbling) Two Titan Masters becuase he's got one for go behind his shield get to that in a moment. Here is other titan master little tiny we call him arc 1 you'll get to see why in just a moment as usual (gibberish) they have the wibbly-wobbly head thier arms can either got partway or up and down and legs (makes dumb little robot dance) and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called (Bart)1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself (Knocks over the arc/bart1 bot)

Son-Chi: I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. (Is then molested by Chris to 'sit')

Chris: And you bend his legs you put him in the drivers seat and of course that's the only way (Points to raised windows) I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms open-part. And then we move onto the next part that's included (Annoying voice) DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black yellow leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 (molests robot) come on titan master put him in de back of his head (Inserts poor robot into lions head) get the lion there get the picture once more (Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture) Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here (Points to station wagon roof) its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep he shield so Hashbro thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison (introduces duplicate of toy) here he is with Sawback, the original TItan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...
(autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is)
Alright so what you want to do (gets to molesting the lion robot) is you wanna take these parts and move em forward (transforming) pull his legs forward, tilt head back (Transforming) I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. (Transformed) Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I have a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most(?), put the lion up there (Puts next to car) Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her (pantomines running buy slapping the lion against the table a few times, makes car sounds, more 'running' sounds) Or fun one I figgered out (stands lion on top of car) thank you spoilers lookit that. (Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth) Obviously he can't stay up there (Flips car, throws lion off) SOrry bout that.

(Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.)
11:26
Lion:Hey 3D! -Growls-
Chris: Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor.
Lion: (Autistic growling) I got a mission.
Chris: You can go back. So moving right along (kill me) He's got a couple other-a few other accessories. He includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together it took most-more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -on the side-...aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side.
(Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.

There are two kinds of mispellings here. I was typing while he was talking so I might have flubbed a word here and there. Other times it's me doing my best to emulate his unique vernacular.

Hot damn man you made it further than I did, I've seen the whole vid but translating from autism to English ain't easy and you picked up a bunch I missed, kudos!
I can take the next shift if you need a break.