REQUEST: Please only reply if you yourself are some flavor of trans/nonbinary/agender/etc (with the possible exception of anyone who's a gender affirming therapist). I'm looking for opinion of folks who are BOTH autistic & not cisgender. If you do not have first-hand knowledge about transitioning or are not supportive of affirming transgender children's gender identities, including supporting medical transition for teens, please just keep scrolling.
Topic: medical transition concerns for a pre-teen, marginally supportive grandparents (my parents)
Relevant facts: Daughter is almost 10 yo, AMAB, out as trans female and/or non-binary for 6 years (currently identifies as non-binary), prefers she/her pronouns and female-coded language, stealth with her peers who all know her as female, has many personality traits/interests/style that people stereotypically associate as male (which some people try to point to as a way to invalidate her identity), AuDHD (relevant because she's a bit behind her peers in understanding social intricacies/the related social maturity and has sensory issues). I'm AFAB nonbinary, they/them pronouns, and also AuDHD.
She knows about the types of changes typical in either puberty, she knows what types of changes her body will develop if she chooses to medically transition or not. She knows it's her choice and that her father and I (especially me) 100% support her either way. She states that she does not want to medically transition, but says it in a way that's more indifferent than actual conviction.
From my conversations with her and what I have observed about her social/emotional understanding/development at this point, I am confident that she doesn't fully understand how choosing not to medically transition will impact how people see her. She knows that no one questions her as a female now, but doesn't seem to understand that going through male puberty will change that and make it much harder for her to find acceptance. She also has never experienced any resistance or push back about her gender identity so far, so I think she's pretty unaware of how nasty some folks can be about it, especially for AMAB folks...due to not facing discrimination related to her identity yet and I think that has lead her to be unrealistically optimistic about how people would treat her if she chose to follow her natal male puberty while identifying as nonbinary/female. I also think in addition to what I just mentioned, she also doesn't want to medically transition due to sensory issues around needles & bloodwork that border on a phobia.
Because of this, since puberty is just around the corner, I strongly believe she'd benefit from blockers for some period of time when we get to that point. Not because I don't think she should go ahead with male puberty, but she doesn't seem to show the necessary comprehension yet to make an informed choice.
I happened to mention this to my mom as a tangent to an unrelated conversation. My mom, who struggled to be supportive initially but had gotten past that (or so I thought), kinda lost it on me saying that it'd be completely inappropriate for me to try to push blockers for my daughter. But I think my daughter needs time to develop a more nuanced understanding of how society views non-cis gender identities, especially when it comes to folks who don't pass, before she goes through puberty either way. Knowing how hard it is to reverse the impacts (social and physical) of going through the wrong puberty, I just want to make sure she's truly ready to make that decision because I can tell she doesn't have full understanding at this point. My mom thinks that in absence of a strong desire to medically transition, that anything other than letting natal puberty proceed unchecked is completely inappropriate. But I feel like neither puberty should be undertaken lightly when a trans/non-binary child doesn't yet seem to understand the full implications of their choice.
Am I wrong to want to push blockers for her at first? Or is this more of my mom not getting trans stuff? Just want a reali ty check here.