💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votos: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votos: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votos: 17 1.1%
  • August-September 2024

    Votos: 34 2.1%
  • October-November 2024

    Votos: 37 2.3%
  • December 2024

    Votos: 44 2.8%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votos: 255 16.0%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votos: 264 16.5%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votos: 935 58.5%

  • Total de votantes
    1,598
I don't get where he picked up the "I want to suck huge cocks" gape he uses. It's not really common in the kind of social circles he frequents, such as they are. It's a gay urban bugman face.
Prompted by a post on the random pics and gifs thread, I recently found out that the soyface from the "My wife's boyfriend bought me a Switch" picture belonged to an evangelical Christian from Canton, Ohio. So although the soyface is most common in Funko-Pop-collecting, /r/fuckcars-posting, beyond/impossible-burger-eating bugmen, it's got a foothold in other communities. (Or perhaps Christianity isn't as effective as a soyboy prophylaxis as advertised.)
 
Watergate Salad is made from pistachio jello pudding, crushed pineapple, cool whip, and some crushed up walnuts. It was apparently very popular back in the 70's. Aunt Myrna likely had some dementia moment and added the rest.
From the '50s to the '70s there were all kinds of bizarre things used to market Jell-O before it settled down to the current relatively sane period of just eating it maybe with some fruit or whipped cream (or even Cool Whip). Mormons (and mid-Westerners to some extent) still have the occasional weird concoction from that period.

You will even see some of that Watergate salad shit, which is actually not completely awful. At least the flavors are somewhat harmonious together. Mormons in particular are fond of things involving green Jell-O, again most of which is actually okay even if you might side-eye it a bit at first.

This is like if a Mormon just lost it one day and got drunk and went on a weed binge and made something like that, then forgot what they were doing in the middle and woke up not even remembering they'd made this shit.

I can't imagine making it a family favorite. I guess if your mom hates your fat ass so much she feeds you nothing but chicken necks and offal just to keep the rest of the family from starving from your Tarrare wendigo hunger, anything might seem good.
 
If the lemon jello just had the pineapple and celery, I think it could've worked fine. If you used the nuts, greens, and lemon juice and cheese into an assembled salad, it'd have worked. Or you just do the Watergate Salad. But that did not happen.

My guess is Aunt Myrna customized an aspic recipe and just seemed to be fine with the texture. Possible dementia, possible also bad taste buds.
 
All Jack needs to not undercook poultry is a constant minder to do all the work.

Falcon writes Jack Fuck-fic!

None of the lousy Mexican restaurants Jack goes to are dying. Not even the ones that are begging for a health department kill shot.

I have never seen creme fraiche.
To be perfectly frank you can almost always just substitute sour cream for creme fraiche. Unless you're doing some shit like caviar with blinis and shit, nobody cares if it's actually creme fraiche.
Protip: There's a very good chance your local Mexican Supermarkets (or normal grocery store for that matter) will carry Mexican/Central American Sour Cream. I can't vouch for all of the various brands carrying that label but from my experience it is far closer to the ideal of Creme Fraiche and also usually sold at a fraction of the price since you're not paying the Yuppie Tax.

At Fong's Kitchen you'll find that in the fridge. Daisy Sour Cream can go fuck itself. The Hispanic version is lighter and from my experience just has that more subtle flavor that makes Creme Fraiche a foodie meme immortalized by the silly South Park episode.
 
I thought he meant, "make sure it's not the low-fat kind". Maybe I'm just surrounded by a particular fatty subculture, but around here the "real stuff" is the full fat/full sugar/full sodium variety of a given product. "Fake stuff" is like the fat-free sour cream and other horrors you see sometimes.
That's possible, but also just as bad. Regardless it's still funny hearing fatty tell people to not use the "fake stuff" when he's telling people to use fake stuff.

New "Golden Series" Plum Pudding.

Whats the fucking point of these? Its Youtube, an on demand video service. People can go back and view the cum cake video any time.

Jack being too fat and lazy to do something for Christmas after his Thanksgiving month was a disaster and he got made fun of for it. He understands at least with youtube that he needs to get something out there.
 
Jack being too fat and lazy to do something for Christmas after his Thanksgiving month was a disaster and he got made fun of for it. He understands at least with youtube that he needs to get something out there.
At least he's not trying to poison our troops on Christmas like the fat traitor he is.
 
New "Golden Series" Plum Pudding.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ILuyVhSWu1w
Whats the fucking point of these? Its Youtube, an on demand video service. People can go back and view the cum cake video any time.
Why he does it for us. He's been one of the most reliable lolcows for years now.

Christ Jack it looks like you've got a beach ball under your shirt. Maybe I haven't been paying too close to his appearance but it feels like the Intermittent Keto diet is only leading to him getting fatter.
 
New "Golden Series" Plum Pudding.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ILuyVhSWu1w
Whats the fucking point of these? Its Youtube, an on demand video service. People can go back and view the cum cake video any time.
It's because he's a fat pissbaby with severe NPD throwing baby tantrums over getting made fun of but desperately wanting attention and to fake having a career as a "celebrity" and "chef". It's his pathetic attempt at defeating the catch-22 all incompetent Narcs with delusions of grandeur face when they rely on an audience to get supply.
 
What I don't get is why he is re-uploading videos that did poorly. This plum pudding video from last year had 6.8k views. The goose video had twice as many. Hell, the FIRST plum pudding video Jack did had 12k views. So why put inferior products out in the public eye?
 
What I don't get is why he is re-uploading videos that did poorly. This plum pudding video from last year had 6.8k views. The goose video had twice as many. Hell, the FIRST plum pudding video Jack did had 12k views. So why put inferior products out in the public eye?
I guess he's come to believe that the Youtube algorithm is just so random and chaotic that literally anything Christmas themed has a lottery ticket's chance of going viral. In fact it feels just like the trashy Youtuber's version of a bum buying lotto tickets.
 
Why he does it for us. He's been one of the most reliable lolcows for years now.

Christ Jack it looks like you've got a beach ball under your shirt. Maybe I haven't been paying too close to his appearance but it feels like the Intermittent Keto diet is only leading to him getting fatter.

There really isn't a secret to losing weight, most diets boil down to reducing your caloric intake with other measures added in to make weight loss easier. I did Keto on the past during a period where I gained some pretty pounds from stress eating and snacking at work, and it does work as long as you eat reasonable portions of meat: Fucking fried chicken is Keto as long as breading isn't involved, so going out and making yourself some marinated fillets fried in oil would be keto as long as you don't eat a whole bucket of chicken just like in the movies lol!

And that's where Jack fucks up, albeit intentionally. He eats colossal portions of everything, I wouldn't be halfway done with one of his orders before feeling bloated and he often goes for more. No amount of dieting is going to work with those intakes. And frankly, that's without considering that he cheats as well, when I did Keto I ended up quitting the diet plan because I was going crazy without eating bread or having any sweets, I was on it for two months and couldn't handle the cravings. Jack doesn't do real Keto and it shows!
 
There really isn't a secret to losing weight, most diets boil down to reducing your caloric intake with other measures added in to make weight loss easier. I did Keto on the past during a period where I gained some pretty pounds from stress eating and snacking at work, and it does work as long as you eat reasonable portions of meat: Fucking fried chicken is Keto as long as breading isn't involved, so going out and making yourself some marinated fillets fried in oil would be keto as long as you don't eat a whole bucket of chicken just like in the movies lol!

And that's where Jack fucks up, albeit intentionally. He eats colossal portions of everything, I wouldn't be halfway done with one of his orders before feeling bloated and he often goes for more. No amount of dieting is going to work with those intakes. And frankly, that's without considering that he cheats as well, when I did Keto I ended up quitting the diet plan because I was going crazy without eating bread or having any sweets, I was on it for two months and couldn't handle the cravings. Jack doesn't do real Keto and it shows!
Just to be clear I was making a joke.

Intermittent Fasting = the idea that you should only eat once a day.
Intermittent Keto = the idea you do Keto like once a day

Jack regularly makes Keto videos like he does a pile of bacon and then goes back to the carbs. But anyway congrats on the weight loss.
 
Glad to finally be back around from my forgot my email password exile.

Did Jack ever end up attending the Creation Museum in Kentucky?
Yes, or at least the "Ark Encounter." He got really angy because there were fat people there or something while he was pigging out.

He did a Jacking Off Ten Guys about it:
 
He did go to the Creation Museum as well, but he didn't upload any footage of this, claiming that it was "not a good experience" and there were "lots of kids who didn't want to be there". I don't know the real reason why (except that it's definitely not that), but I do have it on good authority that he never got permission to film at either location (shocking, I know)
 
He did go to the Creation Museum as well, but he didn't upload any footage of this, claiming that it was "not a good experience" and there were "lots of kids who didn't want to be there". I don't know the real reason why (except that it's definitely not that), but I do have it on good authority that he never got permission to film at either location (shocking, I know)
They're paranoid about allowing shooting on premises because they get so many euphoric types showing up to make fools of them. I think they're idiots but they're probably reasonable not wanting to have people filming, much less some fat useless jackass.
 
Yes, or at least the "Ark Encounter." He got really angy because there were fat people there or something while he was pigging out.

He did a Jacking Off Ten Guys about it:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=UuMBF2N4Spw

I remember the Ark, which is a separate exhibit and somehow the less insane of the two. I figured he had also attended the creation museum since you can get a ticket for both, but hadn't heard him talk about it.

He did go to the Creation Museum as well, but he didn't upload any footage of this, claiming that it was "not a good experience" and there were "lots of kids who didn't want to be there". I don't know the real reason why (except that it's definitely not that), but I do have it on good authority that he never got permission to film at either location (shocking, I know)

I imagine it was too weird even for him. Jack's in some odd churches but if you've never seen the Creation Museum it is NEXT LEVEL screwball. It's totally possible it's insistence that the flood literally actually happened because the Bible says so turned even Jack off to the idea.

They're paranoid about allowing shooting on premises because they get so many euphoric types showing up to make fools of them. I think they're idiots but they're probably reasonable not wanting to have people filming, much less some fat useless jackass.


When I went there the people working (I think they volunteer) were very polite, but I definitely got the impression they keep an eye out for morons and anyone filming would be told pretty fast to knock that shit off. They didn't have any issues with me and a friend taking pictures of the animateonic dinosaurs (complete with 'do not pet the raptor' signs) and things like the little dioramas of drowning sinners as the flood happened.

I was looking forward to him ranting about it so it's sad he never said much.
 
I remember the Ark, which is a separate exhibit and somehow the less insane of the two. I figured he had also attended the creation museum since you can get a ticket for both, but hadn't heard him talk about it.
@Spasticus Autisticus pointed out he actually did go, but by that time, they had probably told him he wasn't allowed to film there.
 
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