I started typic up a more detailed reply but it got super long, and it's mostly a semantic thing. Let me know if you want it.
I think semantics are important in discussions about feminism because most definitions have a different meaning in feminist contexts compared to every-day use. If you want to post it, I will read it.
In any case, I will respond to a couple of things here and for convenience's sake I will split your post in smaller quotes to address each point separately.
The short version is I agree with you politically, I think. Separatism is unsustainable and the concept that equality will happen by focusing on one subgroup is illogical. It's one of several reasons I'm reticent to call myself Feminist.
However, that's in terms of ideology. In terms of methodology and practical application of ideology, I think that for *individuals* and small groups having a focus is key to getting shit done. You need to pick a focus in activism and set specific goals, and if you feel women is your focus, then that's your thing. Just because you're campaigning, say, for trafficked girls, doesn't mean you don't give a fuck about trafficked boys. As an individual you can prioritize whatever you want. But the idea of "prioritizing" means for a lot of people "until equality becomes a habit" rather than "at the expense of others".
I fully agree 100% that, in order to get shit done, people can (and even should) focus on specific issues. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a group focusing on trafficked girls only without bringing in any ideological beliefs and anyone complaining about
specific groups / individuals doing that and not focusing on trafficked boys as well is, in my opinion, incredibly petty.
What I was trying to point out is that when you have a fully woman-centric (with the definition of woman-centric given in previous posts) ideology (feminism), and when that ideology completely dominates the gender-equality field (as it currently happens), then you are going to inevitably end-up with 99,99% of groups targeting women while men's issues like FTM domestic violence, males being the majority of the victims of violence and males being 80% of homeless people are ignored (as it also currently happens).
This is a direct effect of feminism and the popularity of the ideology, especially in certain areas (academia). It is perfectly in line with the core beliefs of feminism as described in the most basic theories and ideologies from which all feminist ideological strands diversify from.
I think this is where it branches into a larger social issue outside feminism, which is a big push to turn everything into a moral judgement. Nobody is allowed to disagree, and if you ever made any tiny mistake YOU ARE DISGUSTING DIE IN A FIRE. There's nobody going "well I'm egalitarian but feminists have some similar goals so let's work together" it's "you're a bigot-in-denial and the antichrist". I think this attitude is actively harmful. Like this latest with the Sufferagettes being "racist" because their particular voting campaign benefited the middle-class white woman. It's incorrect to say they were ignoring non-white women and a lie to say they were bigoted.
An egalitarian and a feminist wouldn't have similar goals (they both claim the same thing but they interpret it very differently - unless we are talking about a "final" state of absolute equality but since such state is either never going to happen or if it does happen it will happen in many years from now, it is in my opinion irrelevant). There might be the occasional, accidental overlap between goals but nothing more.
But anyway, this is what I mean by ideology versus interpretation, and what I mean to say is the difference between groups. Some feminists are not woman-centric ideologically but use "feminism" as synonymous with "equality", some feminists are only woman-centric in terms of their activities and focus...and of those who hold true to a woman-centric ideology, some of them mean "kill all men" but some just really believe centerism will benefit everyone in the end. I think this is the part where "anti-feminisim" is a problem, because they don't recognize that two opposite actions might come from ostensibly the same ideology, nor that two similar actions might come from opposing viewpoints.
I disagree here. Yes, some self-described feminists use feminism as a synonym with equality* but feminists who use the common-use meaning of equality (which is "both genders should be treated equally" not "women should be treated equally to men" - you can see the implied difference of the latter from the former) don't actually adhere to any feminist ideology. And yes most of feminists who are ideologically woman-centric have convinced themselves that woman-centric ideologies are equality but that doesn't change the effects their ideology has on society.
Individuals calling themselves feminists without ascribing to feminist beliefs don't alter the core ideologies of feminism (unless those individuals become the norm but that isn't happening any time soon so all they do is providing "cover" for an ideology they don't actually subscribe to)
*although it should be noted that almost all feminists do that but most of them have a different interpretation of equality than the usual
Nobody remember the anti-abortion bra-burners.
(note: I haven't read any other replies yet, got busy with work)
I have isolated this sentence because I find it interesting. If I understand you correctly, you are saying that in the end the rational side of feminism will prevail and the result will be good because the fanatics will be put aside since this is what happened in the past.
I disagree with the above and there are plenty of contradictory examples. Just to bring one up it was feminism who designated in the 70's, and still supports in many cases, "domestic violence" as a "gender issue" with men as the perpetrators and women as the victims, ignoring a sizable portion of victims. This is still in effect because of modern feminists' unwillingness to go against the interests of women to achieve equality.
And then you also have the worst effect of all which I mentioned earlier:
when you have a fully woman-centric (with the definition of woman-centric given in previous posts) ideology (feminism), and when that ideology completely dominates the gender-equality field (as it currently happens), then you are going to inevitably end-up with 99,99% of groups targeting women
...which is already a view dominating society (at least in the "gender equality" field) and it is not going away any time soon.