Prison Letters Chris and Kengle Prison Letter Megathread

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Imagine if lolcow had a penpal system. They could all write letters to each other and give advice on how to file lolsuits, never take full accountability for one's actions and fuck your mom...

Yes, YOUR mom...the person reading this right now...
 
Does anyone know if the prison accepts personal letters that you can send? Also, why are they not allowing people to come visit? They've been allowing it for the last few months. Does it have something to do with recent legal actions? And where are they holding them? I hope they don't hold them at the Federal Detention Center, because the prison was closed to visitation the last time the prison was locked down.
 
Android raptor dijo:
Not to defend Chris but I'm lowkey MOTI that the psych department at the jail is shitting itself and doing nothing at this blatant of psychosis. This kind of shit legit needs antipsychotics prescribed.
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I'd assume an inmate who thinks he's Jesus would be high on the list of conditions needing treatment. People who think they are Jesus often end up a danger to themselves and others. It never ends well.
 
Evan_Wynn_D dijo:
Does anyone know if the prison accepts personal letters that you can send? Also, why are they not allowing people to come visit? They've been allowing it for the last few months. Does it have something to do with recent legal actions? And where are they holding them? I hope they don't hold them at the Federal Detention Center, because the prison was closed to visitation the last time the prison was locked down.
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Chris was allowed visitation? Didn't the judge deny Chris bail and visitation because he believed Chris posed a danger to himself and others?
 
Aeon Path dijo:
I've been thinking all day about what those letters would look like in printed form if published in the style of MLK's "Letter From Birmingham Jail" and most importantly, how would Chris name such an important document. After a couple of beers, this is what I've come up with.
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I was thinking "A Tale from the Jail of Fail", but that def works better. 👍
 
Imagine if this was during the 90s or early 2000s
when they often have true crime reenactment shows on tv
with shitty acting and corniest filming

and they did one of Chris-chan
gettting a fat hairy dude to play as Chris
and an old incapacitated woman in bed playing Barbara.
and the actor does an Ugly Bastard look whilst saying "Now shall we? Barbiechu dear..."
 
Disastrously Dumb dijo:
Imagine if this was during the 90s or early 2000s
when they often have true crime reenactment shows on tv
with shitty acting and corniest filming

and they did one of Chris-chan
gettting a fat hairy dude to play as Chris
and an old incapacitated woman in bed playing Barbara.
and the actor does an Ugly Bastard look whilst saying "Now shall we? Barbiechu dear..."
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Imagine it as an episode of Forensic Files.
> "Chris claimed that he had never touched his mother. That it wasn't his semen, but the DNA does not lie"
 
I wish he would have fled for longer, just to hear John Walsh all pissed off and calling him a "sick animal who needs to be brought to justice" or whatever.
 
Huge Fuckin Nerd dijo:
Nothing really new to say, just Chris repeating more of what was already said except it's addressed to Kengle. I assume it's because Kengle is probably one of the only people in the world who would actually bother to write back.



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Can someone who can read Chris's chicken scratch transcribe?
 
Disastrously Dumb dijo:
when they often have true crime reenactment shows on tv
with shitty acting and corniest filming

and they did one of Chris-chan
gettting a fat hairy dude to play as Chris
and an old incapacitated woman in bed playing Barbara.
and the actor does an Ugly Bastard look whilst saying "Now shall we? Barbiechu dear..."
Presiona para expandir...
50/50 odds someone's going to at least do SOME adaptation of this circus, even if it's just a no-budget Lifetime movie or such, so if you wanna see that, you will...

Super Colon Blow dijo:
Who the fuck is sending money to this lunatic's commissary account?
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Considering Dear Leader was willing to bankroll this fucker like a fucking hypocrite, you might as well haul in the whole damn Farms and book em for that crime. Could be any of us.
 
My Earnest Opinions dijo:
Does anyone else notice that they share personal similarities with Chris despite his current level of depravity? For instance I also think that sexual intercourse with me has healing powers, except that I have never had sex with my own mother or any old lady. My personal belief is that every woman I've had sex with has had their chances of cancer and other afflictions lowered drastically, despite the fact that I have zero proof other than my own intuition. My sample size is 138 by the way, I have gotten laid a lot.

I also share some similarities with 2000s Chris (e.g. preoccupation with dates and their significance, idiosyncratic use of the English language) but I doubt I am autistic.
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I'd take that bet
 
Dysnomia dijo:
I'd assume an inmate who thinks he's Jesus would be high on the list of conditions needing treatment. People who think they are Jesus often end up a danger to themselves and others. It never ends well.
Presiona para expandir...
Eh, it's not even so much that as it is treatment of mental health is included in the basic shit jails are technically supposed to provide on the most basic level i.e. basic psych meds. Shits classic schizorambling, give him a shot of whatever the fuck antipsychotics they commonly dole out in jail and see how he is in a month if nothing else. But American jails arent exactly known for having their shit together with mental health shit.

That said Jail of Fail is a great new cwcism, and overall this is some high quality if completely batshit goddamn insane content even by Chris standards.
 
Volthoom dijo:
Who would want to visit Chris?
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1634008725629.jpeg

Really?
Sockness, Kengle, American Hedgehog
 
Android raptor dijo:
Eh, it's not even so much that as it is treatment of mental health is included in the basic shit jails are technically supposed to provide on the most basic level i.e. basic psych meds. Shits classic schizorambling, give him a shot of whatever the fuck antipsychotics they commonly dole out in jail and see how he is in a month if nothing else. But American jails arent exactly known for having their shit together with mental health shit.

That said Jail of Fail is a great new cwcism, and overall this is some high quality if completely batshit goddamn insane content even by Chris standards.
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The Jail of Fail: a Chris-Chan Memoir. That would be a great title of a collection of his ramblings.
 
That line where Chris is making demands for Kengle to contact Biden is hilarious, because everyone knows that the president will look at the letter, and tell Chris to rot. If anything, Chris should be dumped in solitary confinement, with nothing but his glasses and his blanket for a couple weeks, but then again, Chris wouldn't change. And yeah, as soon as Chris gets released from prison, Barb may want to consider changing the locks on the front door and hide, because we all know Chris will want to cleanse her of her sins.
 
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