Today is a weird blog post for me. I am doing not one, not two, but three things I never imagined I would ever do on this blog. First I am showing a picture of myself in a sports bra. I have ALWAYS been against posting such an image because it seems some cliche. “Oh look I am a heavier person with a enough confidence to wear just a sports bra. Let me show the whole world how confident I am. I’ll put this picture on Facebook as some type of statement. A bunch of strangers who don’t really care about female body empowerment will like it and call me brave.” Even if I do have super cute sports bras- I live by the age old mantra that you burn more calories when you look fabulous- all I can think is these stunts want to make me barf. No thanks. It’s not my thing. But back to the issue at hand, today I had to show you the photo I long avoided, because how else would I show off my new heart monitor. The little strap ( pictured above, just under my sports bra) helps me track the beats of this big ol’ heart, which in turn gives me a much more accurate count of calories burned.
Which brings me to the number two thing I thought I would never do, mention my actual weight. See even though I have lost a lot of weight (almost 90 lbs now- whoa!), I am still terribly embarrassed by that number on the scale. I am ashamed by how much weight I let myself put on and even more mortified by how long it has taken to get my proverbial shit together to lose it. I am pretty sure everyone can round about guess my weight anyhow, but it’s given me some weird comfort holding it in. Like saying out loud makes it more real. But, for this conversation it’s import. So I am going to expose myself. I currently weight 309 lbs. Even typing it feels awkward. I am actually on the verge of crying writing this. But I gotta do it some time .I’m listening to Nike and just doin’ it.
So now for my never-though-i-do-it numero 3, I have to call shenanigans on My Fitness Pal. MFP is no better than my cheating ex-boyfriend, that store clerk who tells you look good in something that obviously makes you look like a washed out drag queen, and pretty much anyone who says they don’t like desserts. THEY ARE LIARS. See for months I have been an MFP nazi; I track everything. I sit down to a meal and literally tell people to shut up so I can enter my food before eating. I sometimes ruin said meal by looking something up, seeing it has too many calories, getting a sad look on my face and passing on said delicious item. Then my friend pass on it as well; I inadvertently pass along my food guilt all the time. I am sooooo sorry to be that person. I hate that person. “Oh that has too many calories I’ll eat a carrot instead…” Bitch, please. Wait. Now, I am that person. AHHHHHHH! I also tracked all my exercise. As soon as I would exit a class, end a walk, or calm down after a run- MFP would be out and I would be clickity clacking my earned calories into my pocket weight loss Yoda.
Here’s a typical fitness entry from My Fitness Pal
But recently I have stopped losing weight as fast as I have been dropping previously. According to MFP this should not be the case. I have upped calories, lowered calories, upped fitness, changed up routines. BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I wasn’t just getting frustrated, I was getting angry. When you do everything to lose weight and don’t, you want to karate chop expensive things and say words inappropriate for tender ears to hear. I was then the seed of doubt was planted. One of my weight loss friends mentioned that maybe I was selecting the wrong exercise type. Like the weight loss obsessed girl I am, I checked it out. Spinning and biking quickly varied in by nearly 400 calories. What the heck???
I thought to myself. That’s dumb. They are pretty much the same exercise. This is when I started to get the impression MFP might be sleeping around. This was shady to the extreme. So I gave way to the internets asking, ” how do I accurately calculate calories burned?” The answer came back, get a heart rate monitor. So then I asked which one, and I found a super awesome
Polar heart rate monitor for only $89. Apparently they’re
some of the best. Boom! Invested. Plus, nowadays I do anything to visit
Paragone Sports; it’s like my fitness heaven.
So now let’s take my 3 truths and add them together. This weekend I wore the strap above during all my workouts to figure out for realsies how many calories I was actually burning. Now I thought this was going to be super uncomfortable, but honestly it felt like it was just a sports bra. Now for men who don’t typically wear an over shoulder boulder holder- fitness edition, that strap might be a bit weird. But whatever get over it. I worked out to the best of my ability and got to tracking on my new silver Polar bullet.
The results were enlightening as they were depressing. You can see that MFP was telling me biking for 45 minutes, at 309 lbs, I was sweating off around 1200 calories. But my cardio vascular measurement miracle said, nay! I was actually only burning 521 calories ( over 3 classes I actually averaged around 571). THAT’S LESS THAN HALF OF WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS BURNING OFF. And here I was justifying another cocktail, a sweet treat, and little butter for my bread- WHEN THERE WERE NO EXTRA CALORIES TO BE SPARED. CURSE YOU MY FITNESS PAL. CURSE YOU!
Well, not entirely. MFP is still awesome for food tracking, but from now on I am using my heart rate monitor to give me an accurate read on my daily work outs. That means I am going to have to adjust my eating as well. As much as this news totally sucked, it’s good that now I know. I can make the necessary changes and I can get back on track. I remember being at the counter like a 15 year-old on their first date- anxious and hesitant. Glad I pulled boss lady Glitter out and made it fitness rain, by forking out the extra moolah on that watch. This is especially celebrated because I personally hate that flavor of wrist candy.
That $89 watch saved me at least few months of anguish, got me to admit my weight online, and post a photo of myself in a sport bra. The thing might damn well be magic. 
